What Happens in LA Stays in LA
by Skylark62
Summary: Nick Amaro and Rafael Barba accidentally meet out of town, and find out something unexpected about each other. This completely changes their relationship. Nick/Rafael.
1. What Happens in LA Stays in LA

What Happens in LA Stays in LA

Nick watched the sunset; his bare feet planted in the beach and feeling the last rays of sun hit his bare arms. He had just spent a great weekend in LA with both his kids, thanks to their mothers both being cooperative. For once, things had worked out well for him.

Olivia had told him about the law enforcement conference that would be taking place in LA and suggested that as she had been told to send someone, he could go, and spend some time with Zara while he was there. He had jumped at the chance, and taken Friday off work so he could get to LA, check in to his hotel and then collect Zara in time for dinner. Cynthia had agreed that Gil could join his father for the weekend too, and after Nick had offered to pay the plane fare, she had let Gil travel alone, putting him on the plane at San Diego at her end, and Nick collecting him once he arrived at LAX. They had done the reverse for the journey back Sunday afternoon, and then Nick had dropped Zara back home, before having a walk along the beach to enjoy the last of the sun. He wanted to make the most of it as it was still cold in New York, although spring was finally showing signs of starting.

He contemplated the day, and then thought forward to his week ahead. He wasn't expecting anything too exciting about the conference, although there was one day that was concentrating on Special Victims, with not only police, but lawyers who would be emphasizing the difficulties and potential problems that were inherent with these cases. Most of the rest would be general procedures and protocols. The brass were happy that Nick was going, as he was considered one of the loose cannons of SVU, and someone they felt could do with a brush-up on his general skills.

Nick thought about whether he had the guts to do the other thing he had contemplated while he was out of town. He had been alone for some time now, having broken things off with Amanda, and he was feeling frustrated. He also wanted something different. Although he generally considered himself heterosexual, there had been occasions in his life where he had experimented with men, and found it satisfying, especially when he wanted a one night stand and was feeling particularly horny, as he was now. Of course, working as part of the SVU in New York meant that he wouldn't even consider going anywhere he could scratch an itch there, as it was far too likely to come back and bite him on the ass later. He had visited too many of the gay clubs as part of his job to make it possible to go there in his personal life. It was also far too risky to try and find someone outside these usual channels, and he wasn't going to try and hook up via the Internet either, having seen what TARU could do. So he felt he could only scratch this itch when he was out of town.

Nick sighed as the last rays of sun disappeared behind the calm sea, and darkness descended. He headed back to the rental car, having put on his sweatshirt and sandals when he left the beach. Time to find dinner and a beer or two before settling down for the night in his hotel. He was in LA until next weekend. He had an early start so would consider going to a club another evening.

After a few very boring days at the conference, Nick had had enough. He needed to get out, have some excitement, and if he was honest with himself, get laid. The next day was the Special Victims day at the conference, and as it was aimed at law enforcement officers who didn't work in that field all day, he could afford to be tired, and probably hung over, and might be able to sneak off to have a nap if necessary. In the meantime he was going stir crazy and needed a change.

So he put on his tightest jeans, a sleeveless t-shirt and his leather jacket, and then headed out. He had done some research and picked where to go – a hot club that according to the reviews he found, stuck to the rules so they didn't get raided, and had an active back room. It was just what he wanted.

He caught a cab to a bar a few blocks away and had a beer in there first before heading to the club. He hadn't wanted the cab driver to know where he was going. It was probably a bit paranoid of him, but he'd rather not take risks. When he got inside, he got himself another drink before settling against a back wall to watch what was happening. The lights flashed brightly on the dance floor, to match the very loud music, and there were men of all types there, drinking, dancing, and making out. There were a variety of ages and ethnicities, so Nick didn't feel out of place. He finished his beer then looked around. Although a few men had approached him, none had particularly attracted him, and really, he didn't want to have to get into long conversations with anyone, he just wanted to get off.

He decided to go and investigate the back room. That would be where all the action would take place, and he could probably get what he wanted there without meeting anyone in the bar first. He felt tired, so the sooner he could get what he wanted, the sooner he could get back to his bed. He was starting to realize he was too old for clubbing during the week.

Nick entered the very dimly lit back room area, and was immediately overcome with the sounds and smells of men having sex. It was difficult to see much due to the lack of lighting, with only flashes of light making it into the room from the main club area, but he could feel himself getting aroused just using his imagination. An arm grabbed him and turned him around and he was groped through his trousers, but when he caught sight of the man, he wasn't what Nick was looking for. Yes he wanted to get off, but not with just anyone. He pulled away and moved further into the room.

A few muttered words in Spanish were coming from the wall to the left of Nick, so he headed in that direction. Someone moved and he caught sight of a face, one that looked familiar to him. He felt a bolt of electricity go through him. Of course it was his imagination and the lighting, as there was no way that ADA Barba was even in LA, never mind in this nightclub, but the suggestion that it could be him was enough for Nick. He had always been attracted to Barba, and this had fueled his animosity towards him, as he didn't like the constant reminder of the hidden side to his sexuality.

Nick got to the Barba look-a-like, who was turned away from him; he couldn't see the man's face. That was okay with him as he didn't want the fantasy that it was Barba ruining. Nick put one arm around him and murmured in Spanish that he wanted to fuck him. The man didn't turn around, but did nod and murmur "Si" in return. Nick started to undo his jeans and push them down to his knees, and could tell the man in front of him was doing the same. He was shorter than Nick, which just reinforced the fantasy that it actually was Barba that was with him. Nick rolled on a condom he had brought with him and got out a small tube of lube too. He opened it and coated two fingers then found the man's entrance and thrust both fingers in, hard. He wasn't in the mood for gentle tonight. He heard a groan and some curses in Spanish, but the man opened up, and thrust his hips backwards, further onto Nick's fingers. He was obviously experienced in this which was good as Nick didn't want to wait and do a lot of prep. Nick removed his fingers and then lubed up the outside of the condom before moving behind the man and thrusting inside. He wrapped his arms around the shorter man and they set up a quick rhythm, and Nick very quickly managed to find the man's prostate and was hitting it on every stroke.

Nick could feel himself getting close to orgasm much too quickly, so slowed down a bit, and buried his head in the man's shoulder. He could smell the man's cologne, which again reminded him of Barba. He didn't know what the smell was, but he had smelt it on the ADA, or something similar at least. The man grabbed one of Nick's hands and dragged it down to his groin, and Nick realized that he wasn't doing anything for his partner in this. He took hold of the very hard cock he could feel there and stroked it, the lube still on his hand making it slide easily. The man muttered his thanks, and then groaned. Again, to Nick it sounded like Barba, although it was very difficult to hear anything much with the music of the bar and the sounds of all the other men all around them.

Just then, the man turned his head towards Nick, and their eyes met. Both froze as they recognized each other. It was Barba, impossible as that was, and the fact that he had recognized Nick too was confirmation enough. Nick was too close to stop though, especially now he knew that his fantasy had come to life. He ground his hips forward and Barba gasped, before joining him in moving again. It didn't take long for them to get their rhythm back, but this time they hadn't broken eye contact, and were both watching each other's reactions. Barba came first, and the clenching around Nick's cock as well as the feeling of semen on his hand set Nick off. They both collapsed against each other for a few seconds while they got their breath back, then Nick pulled his arms from around Barba and withdrew. He removed the condom, and then used a few tissues in his pocket to clean up his hand and threw them and the condom away in a nearby trashcan. He avoided eye contact with the ADA, who had turned round and was redressing himself. Nick did the same then they both stood there awkwardly. Nick knew he couldn't avoid it any longer and looked up, just as Barba grabbed his arm and told him "Come on, we need to talk, and not here."

Nick followed Barba out of the club, noticing how good he looked in the tight jeans and t-shirt he was wearing. He had so rarely seen the ADA out of his work suits that it was a shock to see him like that, although most of the men there, including himself, were similarly attired. Barba led them to a sports bar a few blocks away. A game was playing in the background but neither of them paid any attention to it. Barba went to the bar and waited to be served while Nick excused himself. There was no way he was having this conversation with Barba's semen still on his hand. Tissues had got rid of the worst of it, but not all. Nick also wanted a minute alone to think about what had happened.

He washed his hands slowly, and then dried them, trying to think of anything other than how good it had felt to be inside Barba, and feel his cock in his hand, and his body next to his own. The only good thing about the situation was that they both had something to lose here, so there was no way Barba would be ratting him out. He sighed and headed back to the bar. He couldn't avoid this any longer. He found Barba sitting in a corner away from the crowds watching the TV and joined him, thanking the ADA for the scotch he had bought and taking a large swig.

The silence got awkward, so Nick decided to ask the most innocuous question he could think of. "So what are you doing here in LA?"

Barba took a sip of his own drink before looking up at Nick. "Last minute replacement. The SVU ADA who was meant to be speaking tomorrow at the conference is ill, so they asked me to fill in. I got here this afternoon. I knew you were here, of course, but didn't expect to see you until tomorrow."

Nick laughed. "Yeah, I bet that was a shock. Of all the clubs in LA, we both pick the same one to go to at the same time and happen to bump into each other there, despite the number of people there. What are the odds?"

Barba snorted. "I know. Pretty unlikely, but it happened. So what do we do about it?"

Nick looked at him. "Forget about it?" he queried. "Obviously neither of us is out and we work together, so I think the best thing to do is pretend it never happened."

Barba looked at him for a second then nodded. "Fine. Denial all the way. It works for me."

Nick looked at him, with his eyebrows raised. "Denial? What do you mean?"

Barba looked at him contemptuously. "You can slink back into your happy heterosexual world and pretend you don't like fucking men. I won't tell anyone."

Nick could feel the anger rising in him and made an effort to keep his voice down. "Hold on a minute. I am not doing anything wrong here. I'm not in a relationship. I'm not denying anything or pretending to be something I'm not. I like women, and occasionally I like men too. I've always been monogamous, and have never done anything with a man when I've been in a relationship."

"Really? So all those years you were married, and Maria was overseas or you were undercover, you never decided to get a bit of cock on the side, and rationalized it away as not being unfaithful?" Barba glared at Nick.

Nick returned his glare. His hand curled into a fist. He so wanted to punch Barba now. "No I didn't. I'm not one of those men, and if you think I would do that, you don't know me very well. What happened in my marriage has nothing to do with this or you. God, what happened to you that you think the worst of other people?"

Barba sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Nick was right. He had never given the impression that he was anything but honest and faithful with his partners. It was just that finding out this supposedly straight man liked other men that made him see red. "I'm sorry, you're right. I shouldn't judge you or make assumptions." He finished his drink and started to stand up.

Nick stopped him with a hand on his arm. "So why did you?" he asked in a much gentler voice. He was shocked that Barba had apologized to him.

Barba didn't make eye contact with Nick, but decided to be honest with him. "I was in a relationship with a man who worked out of town a lot. It was one of my first relationships, and I was serious about him. It never occurred to me to not trust him. I found out later that he was married with two kids, and I was just a bit on the side. He told me that he was faithful to his wife, and I didn't count."

Nick could hear the hurt in Barba's voice, even though this had obviously been a long time ago. He could see why Barba had gone off the deep end now. "I'm not him. I wouldn't do that."

Barba nodded. "I know you wouldn't. I do know you well enough to know that. I think I just assume the worst about people now to protect myself from getting hurt again." There was silence for a minute. "Do you want another drink – I'm going to the bar."

"Yes, thanks, but it's my round," Nick answered.

Barba waved him off. "Forget it. I owe you after laying into you like that." He headed off towards the bar, and Nick watched him, contemplating their exchange. He always thought of Barba as only being the man he saw at work- brash, arrogant, and very confident. They really hadn't had much conversation outside work, and certainly nothing as personal as this. He decided he liked seeing the vulnerable side of the ADA.

Barba came back with their drinks, and Nick murmured his thanks. They sat in silence, and then Barba asked "So I assume you did the same as me, and decided that while out of town you could…indulge in pleasures that are too risky in New York."

Nick nodded. "Yeah. As you've pointed out, most of my adult life I've been in relationships, and I'm happy with women most of the time. It's only occasionally I get the urge for something different, so it doesn't bother me most of the time. What about you? I've never heard anything about you on the romantic grapevine at work."

Barba smirked. "Good. I aim to keep it that way. To be honest, my work consumes most of my life, and I haven't had much time for anything else in recent years. Plus as you've seen, I'm good at keeping people at a distance so I don't get hurt. That isn't conducive to a relationship, so I've been alone for a long time. I make the most of opportunities to indulge when I'm out of town though."

"So your preference is for men then?" Nick asked.

"Yes, although I have had relationships with women, as you've no doubt gathered from what you have heard about my past at work."

Nick nodded in confirmation. "That's what I thought. It must have been a shock when you realized it was me there in the club. Had you seen me before, or did you have no idea who it was until you turned round?"

Barba smirked. "Obviously I could tell it was someone who spoke Spanish, but other than that, I had no idea. It was a shock, considering I thought you were straight. How about you? Did you realize who I was before that point? You were the one that approached me."

Nick squirmed. He now realized he shouldn't have started this line of questioning. "It was very dark in there and I thought you were in New York, so I didn't know it was you."

Barba picked up on the signs that Nick was uncomfortable with this question, so decided to probe further. "What made you approach me then?"

Nick looked down at his drink and then took a sip before answering. "I heard the Spanish."

Barba used the silence to make Nick feel uncomfortable. He could tell there was something he wasn't saying. "So you didn't see me at all?"

Nick shrugged. "I may have caught sight of you, but it was so dark I really couldn't see much. Certainly not enough to realize it actually was you."

"But what you saw was enough to encourage you to approach me. Are you attracted to me then Nick, or is it just that I'm such a pain in your butt at work that you decided you wanted to be a pain in mine for once?" He thought that humor might help reduce the detective's embarrassment.

Nick laughed, grasping on to the excuse Barba had suggested. "Yes, that's it."

Barba could tell differently, from the way Nick was acting, but decided not to probe any further.

Nick wanted to change the subject, so asked Barba about his lecture the next day, and they spent the rest of the evening not referring to what had happened between them.

They shared a cab back to the hotel where the conference was, as both of them were staying there, and then they got in the elevator together to their rooms. Awkwardness descended between them, as they both considered if they should just go their separate ways. Nick looked up when the elevator doors opened on his floor and saw Barba staring at him. "I'm in 12103 if you decide you want a nightcap, Nick." Barba commented.

Nick got out without saying anything, and just nodded. The doors closed, and Nick walked slowly back to his room. He was really tempted take Barba up on his offer, knowing full well it wasn't a drink that was being offered. But now that they knew who each other was, would it make things even more awkward between them? He got to his room and sat on the bed. He wasn't feeling tired, despite the long day, and was feeling horny again, now that he knew what he could have if he wanted it. He finally made a decision.

Nick knocked gently on the door of room 12103, and it only took Barba a couple of seconds to answer, with a smirk on his face. "I thought you weren't coming," he commented. "Couldn't resist me though, could you?"

Nick ignored this and pushed Barba back in the room and against the nearest wall, pushing the door closed with his foot. He grabbed Barba's hair in one fist and tilted his face to meet his own before taking his mouth in a commanding kiss. If he was going to do this, he would do it his way, and he would be in control. Barba gave in immediately, and the kiss changed and grew more gentle as Nick realized Barba wasn't going to fight him. The passion grew between them, and soon their hips were thrusting against each other's as they grew hard.

Barba pushed Nick backwards until his legs hit the bed, and then grabbed his t-shirt, breaking the kiss as he pulled it over Nick's head. He removed his own too, and then ran his hands over the smooth golden muscles he had uncovered. Nick undid his own belt and then started pushing his jeans down, and Barba realized he should be undressing more too, and copied the detective's actions. Soon they were naked in front of each other. They stared at each other, knowing this was the last chance to change their minds, then a smirk started on Barba's face, and he pushed Nick backwards, before joining him on the bed.

They were all over each other, hands grasping and hips grinding against one another. This didn't compare to what they had done in the club. They were naked, on a bed, and both knew who each other were. This was so much hotter than last time. Barba reached into his discarded jeans pocket, coming up with a condom and small tube of lube, and that made Nick pause. Although he had done some stuff with men before, he had always been the one to top when the encounters had gone as far as intercourse. He knew that as Barba had bottomed earlier that night, he should be the one to do so now, but felt uncomfortable about it.

Barba picked up on Nick's reluctance, and stopped. "We don't have to do this if you don't want to," he commented. Both men had worked for too long in sex crimes to consider doing anything without full consent.

"It's not that," Nick said, feeling embarrassed. "I've just never done it before, been on bottom I mean."

Barba shrugged. "You don't have to now, if you don't want to. I can bottom again, or we can do something different. Whatever you're most comfortable with."

"Won't you be sore if you do it again?" Nick queried. He knew enough to know that if Barba hadn't had sex in some time, bottoming twice in one night was likely to leave him uncomfortable the next day. Plus he had been a bit rough earlier.

"Probably, but I can cope with that. Just use lots of lube and be a bit more gentle this time. I've got to sit down on a flight back to JFK tomorrow night."

Nick hesitated for a minute, still not sure it was fair to do this, and then Barba pushed the tube into his hand and undid the condom. He rolled it onto Nick's cock, and then sat straddling the detective's middle. "Come on Nick. We need to get some sleep tonight."

This spurred Nick into action, and he opened the tube and covered his fingers, before using just one this time to circle Barba's hole and then push in gently. He saw a slight grimace on the ADA's face and stopped. "Are you sure about this?"

Barba laughed. "I thought you wanted to be a pain in my backside? Yes I'm sure. I'll be fine. Just get on with it. I'm assuming you're going to make it good for me at some point."

Nick stopped hesitating, and curled his finger and quickly found Barba's prostate. The older man gasped. "Is that what you want, Barba?" he asked.

"Yeah, that's better, although do you think you could not call me by my surname when we're doing this? It reminds me of work, which is not what I want to be thinking about."

"Okay Rafael," Nick agreed, before attacking his prostate repeatedly until the other man slumped forward and groaned. "I'll stop you thinking about work, or anything at all soon." The reaction of the ADA was making him feel more confident, and he slowly added a second finger.

After a few minutes of this, Rafael kneeled up, pulling away from Nick's fingers, and moved further back, taking Nick's hard cock in his hand and holding it upright before sinking down on it slowly. The two men locked eyes as their bodies joined, and Nick tried very hard not to thrust upwards.

Rafael took a deep breath in as he felt Nick's cock sliding into him. He was sore already, but it would be worth it. It's not as if he would get another chance to do this, so he had to take what he could get. He concentrated on relaxing, and then when he felt more comfortable, he raised himself slightly then pushed down again. Nick took the hint and started thrusting up to meet him, and they moved together.

Nick grabbed Rafael's cock, which had softened a bit due to the pain he had been feeling, but soon hardened again at the attention. Rafael moved position slightly until Nick was striking his prostate on every thrust, and they sped up as they approached their peaks. This time it was Nick who came first, thrusting hard into Rafael twice before he stopped, and after a few seconds he managed to start stroking Rafael again. It didn't take long before he came too, shooting ribbons all over Nick's abdomen and chest. He slumped forward, breathing heavily, before slowly pulling off, making sure the condom didn't come off. He didn't want to sleep in a wet patch.

It took a few minutes for both men to recover, and then Nick sat up. He wasn't sure what to do next, but he definitely needed a shower. "Is it okay if I have a quick shower?" he asked Rafael, not making eye contact with him.

"Yeah, go ahead. I'll have one after you," Rafael commented. Nick padded into the bathroom, and the ADA enjoyed watching the view of Nick's retreating figure as he walked out of sight. Rafael sighed. This had been a much better night than he had hoped for. He had always found the detective attractive, so when he had realized that the man fucking him in the club actually was him, it had been a thrill. He hadn't really expected Nick to come up for a repeat performance, now they knew who each other were, but hadn't been able to resist making the offer. He thought about what they had done, and knew that the memories of that night would fuel his fantasies for months.

Nick was trying not to think at all while he was in the shower. He concentrated on getting himself clean as quickly as possible. He didn't know what to do next, never having been in this situation before. Yes he had slept with a work-mate before, but with Amanda it had led to a sort-of relationship, and this thing with Rafael wasn't going to. He just wanted to escape back to his own room and get some sleep.

Nick wrapped a towel around his waist and ran his fingers through his hair before he left the bathroom. Rafael was still lying in the bed. Nick felt his cock twitch again when he looked at the other man. He never would have imagined seeing the ADA like this. Nick walked over to his clothes and started gathering them.

Rafael sat up. "You can stay if you want to, but I understand if you want to go. You've got an earlier start than I have in the morning. I'm just going to get a shower." He suited his actions to his words and padded off into the bathroom, after one last glance at Nick who was stood frozen, still holding his clothes.

When Rafael got out of the shower, he saw Nick sat on the end of the bed, fully dressed. He was disappointed, but had suspected that Nick would leave.

"I'm going to go. As you said, I have an early start. I expect I'll see you later though?" he queried. He knew this was for the best. He could be back in his room in a couple of minutes. Cuddling and sleeping together was for relationships.

Rafael nodded. "Sure. My lecture is at 11 and I'm staying for lunch. My flight back to New York is 5pm. I have a deposition on Friday."

Nick nodded and then walked towards the door. He really didn't know what to say, so decided to say nothing. He opened the door and walked out, with one last look at Rafael, who was stood there in just a towel. He knew he wouldn't see the other man like that again, so had a good look before he left.

Nick had trouble concentrating the next morning. It wasn't just because he had a headache and was tired either. He felt jumpy, knowing he would see Rafael again, and also his mind was tormenting him by replaying what they had done the night before. He also couldn't think of the other man as Barba anymore. The man he had spent the evening before with was Rafael. He tried to separate the two in his mind and lock his memories of Rafael away and stop thinking about them, but failed.

At 11am he was sat in the lecture hall and felt awake for the first time that day, waiting for Rafael to come on stage. He was introduced by the organizer who explained the change in presenter and then gave a quick overview of ADA Barba's career. Then Rafael strode onto the stage, and started his lecture. It was interesting, but Nick knew most of the cases that he was using to highlight his points, having worked them himself. Instead, he concentrated on watching the man, seeing how well his suit fitted him, and when he took off his jacket as the room was so warm, he admired his ass which was emphasized by the suspenders which pulled his pants tight. All Nick could think of was the previous night and what he had done to that well-shaped ass.

Nick took a gulp of his coffee. He had hoped that seeing Rafael in a work environment and wearing his usual suit would have made Rafael retreat and Barba come back, so Nick could concentrate. It hadn't worked though. He gave up trying and just enjoyed the view.

Rafael knew Nick was somewhere in the audience, and could feel his eyes on him, but couldn't tell from where. He could only see the front rows due to the lights in the lecture theatre, so had no way to see where Nick was sitting. He could feel the detective in every step he took though, and definitely every time he sat down. He was pretty sore from last night, although still considered it worth every second. He tried to concentrate on his lecture, and then in answering the questions at the end.

It was lunch straight after his lecture, and a few of the officers who had been in the audience stopped to speak to him and ask more questions. One by one they left and he went to gather his notes and put them in his briefcase. When he turned around, Nick was stood there, holding out a coffee to him.

"I've never seen you without a coffee cup in your hand at this time unless you are in court, so I thought I'd get you one. They ran out earlier." Nick explained.

Rafael smiled. "Thanks, Nick."

Nick shifted his weight from one foot to the other, feeling uncomfortable. "How are you feeling today?" he asked.

"Tired, hung over and sore," Rafael replied. "I don't regret it though," he added in a quiet voice.

"Neither do I," Nick said. "But it's back to real life now, and we work together."

"I know. So we're back to pretending it didn't happen." He looked at Nick who nodded. "That's fine by me. I'll see you in work next week, no doubt, Detective Amaro." Rafael took a swig of his coffee and turned around, walking away from Nick and out of the lecture hall, leaving him stood there alone. They both had good memories of the evening they had been together, but with their working lives being what they were, that was all there could be to it. What happened had to stay in LA.


	2. Except When it Doesn't

…Except When it Doesn't

The time following the convention, where Nick and Rafael had had a very memorable evening, had not been forgotten by either man, despite the passage of time. They worked together well, probably better than before, as they knew each other better, but there was nothing personal about their interactions. Rafael had been using his memories of their time in LA together to fuel his fantasies, knowing that it would never be repeated. Still, it had happened, which was more than he had ever expected.

Nick had struggled following the trip to LA. He had tried to put his memories of Rafael back into a box, to be locked away, and think of the ADA he worked with as Barba, and not Rafael, or remember when he saw the man what they had done together, but it didn't really work. Considering he thought of himself as mainly heterosexual, this one gay encounter kept running through his thoughts like a movie on repeat, and no matter what he did, he couldn't banish it. It made him frustrated, something he struggled to relieve, even with regular jerking off. But it had been a one night stand, and there was no way what happened in LA could happen in New York. So he kept telling himself.

Two months later they had a nightmare case. A paedophile had raped two 15 year olds, but had money, and was able to get a very good attorney who was a match for Barba, and could pay for credible expert witnesses. They discovered that there had been a mix-up in the lab, and by the time they finished, the DNA evidence was thrown out, and with it, most of their case. Despite them knowing that he was guilty, he got off. The whole team commiserated in a bar after the case finished. This was the worst part of the job, when guilty men got away with their crimes. Barba eventually appeared, looking haggard. He got himself a double scotch and downed it before buying a second drink. He slumped down in the corner booth with the detectives.

"The DA wants the lab sorting out. It's not the first case we've lost because of their screw-up," he commented, when asked what he had been doing since court. "I've been passing his message on. They say they are fixing it." He took a swig of his drink. "All that time and effort from all of us ruined because some lab tech mixed up a tray of samples. And I had to face the families of those girls, and try to explain why the man who ruined their lives won't pay for what he did. I hate this job sometimes," he added, feeling very dejected.

Liv was sat next to him and put a comforting hand on his arm. "We're watching him. He'll do something again, and next time we'll make sure he's put away."

"But to do that, another child's life has to be ruined," Nick retorted, glaring at Liv. He didn't like her touching Barba. He wanted to be the one comforting him.

Liv glared back at Nick. "I know Nick, but what do you suggest we do? Attacking him like you did with the last one who got off didn't help did it? We've got tabs on his Internet usage following the case. I think he'll download some porn and then we can get him on that. Hopefully we will be able to get him off the streets before any other child is harmed."

Nick looked away and nodded. She was his boss, and he shouldn't be taking his bad mood out on her. He drank the rest of his drink then headed to the bar for another.

Conversation was muted after that, with all the detectives mulling over the case. By the time they all started to disband, the entire group had downed a few drinks. They went their separate ways, with Barba heading towards the mens room to relieve himself before getting a cab home. When he got out of the restroom, he was grabbed and pushed through the nearby side door. He looked round at who had grabbed him, and saw it was Nick, who pushed him against the wall between the garbage bins at the back alley between the bar and the shops next to it. Nick pressed forward until he was holding him against the wall with his body, and caught his mouth in a determined kiss. Barba gave in to the kiss – God it had been so long since Nick had last touched him – but then he came to his senses and pushed the detective away from him.

"Nick, what the hell are you doing? We can't do this."

"Why not?" Nick asked, running one hand down the ADA's expensive suit and cupping his erection. "Don't tell me you don't want this, because the evidence says otherwise, Rafael," he added, undoing the button and zipper and pulling out the already hard cock he found inside the pants.

Rafael groaned as he felt Nick's hot hand on his erection. "I don't have a condom or lube with me, and we could be caught." He knew he should be pushing Nick away, but honestly, he didn't want to. He started to undo Nick's belt and pants, even knowing that it was undermining what he had just said.

Nick felt deflated. He didn't have a condom either, but there was no way he was stopping now. He took Rafael's mouth in another kiss, and started pulling determinedly at his cock, feeling his own getting the same treatment from Rafael. This wouldn't take long.

Rafael pulled away with a gasp. "No way. I'm not getting this suit covered in semen, or leaving my DNA here." He glanced at the pavement under his feet and grimaced before kneeling down. He took Nick's erection in his mouth and caressed his balls as he sucked the head and swirled his tongue around it.

Nick thrust forward, only to be stopped by a hand on his hip. "Oh my God, yes, that feels so good." He switched to swearing in Spanish as he got closer and moaned "Rafael", when he came. It was far too quick, but considering where they were, they didn't want to hang around long. Rafael swallowed and then licked Nick clean before tucking him back into his pants and doing up his belt. He then stood and moved in to kiss the detective, giving him a taste of his own seed.

Nick responded to the kiss, recognizing the taste as a mixture of himself and scotch, then Rafael pulled away. "You'd better not be planning on leaving me like this," he muttered, with a glare at Nick who was still enjoying the afterglow of his own orgasm. Nick got into action. He had never given a man a blowjob before, but was sure he could figure out what to do from what he liked. He knelt down and looked at the hard dripping cock in front of his face. Rafael guessed by the hesitation that Nick hadn't done this before, and asked the detective, who nodded in confirmation. "It won't take much. You don't need to take all of it in. Just suck the head and use your tongue. I'll warn you before I come. Swallow or spit into your hand. As I said, I don't want my DNA leaving in this alley."

Nick nodded again and tentatively licked the head of Rafael's cock before opening his mouth and taking it in. He remembered to put one hand on Rafael's hip to stop him thrusting forward, and then started sucking. He heard a gasp from above his head and decided he was doing okay for a beginner, and started licking and sucking. He used his other hand to caress Rafael's balls, the way he liked his being touched, and so realized what was happening when they started to rise up. He heard the warning and felt a hand on his shoulder, before the gush of semen entered his mouth as the other man came. He decided to swallow, as the easiest option, and did that, before cleaning up the softening cock and putting it away and doing up Rafael's clothing.

Nick stood, feeling quite awkward now, and felt Rafael's finger on his face. A bit of semen had leaked from his mouth, and Rafael wiped it up before licking his finger clean. He drew Nick into a hug and then kissed him. "Thanks, you're not bad at that. With some practice you'd be pretty good. I think we should get out of here though, before we're discovered."

"Yeah," Nick agreed, before following Rafael out of the alley. They waited for cabs outside the bar, both of them surreptitiously watching each other, but looking away before they were caught. Neither knew what to say. They had agreed that what happened in LA should stay there, but had broken that. This was a bit close to home, and they didn't know what this would do to their working relationship. They both caught separate cabs home without speaking to each other again.


	3. What Do You Want?

What Do You Want?

The next week Nick had to drop some files off at the ADA's office. It was the first time he had seen Rafael since they had left the bar, and he felt awkward. He knocked on the door and came in when Rafael called for him to enter, and handed him the files. He waited to see if the older man would say anything since they were alone. They probably did need to clear the air.

"Sit down, have a coffee before you go back to the precinct," Rafael suggested, heading towards the coffee maker, and refilling his own cup before pouring another one at Nick's nod. He passed the coffee to the detective, and then sat down next to him on the other chair facing his desk, rather than behind it. This confirmed to Nick that their conversation wasn't going to be work-related.

"I think we need to talk about what happened on Friday night," Rafael started. "We agreed that it never happened in LA, and that we worked together, so what's changed?"

Nick shrugged. "I don't know. After the way the case ended, and after a few drinks, I wanted to feel better."

Rafael relaxed into the chair. "I can understand that, but it's too risky, Nick. If we had been caught in that alley, it would have been both our jobs on the line, our reputations ruined. It can't happen again."

"Do you mean nothing can happen again, or nothing in public like that can happen again?" Nick asked.

Rafael took a sip of his drink while he thought how to answer. "You're the one who wanted to pretend nothing happened between us, and who rushed to leave my hotel room. Are you saying now that you don't want to forget it?"

Nick looked out of the window. He didn't want to face Rafael. "I don't know what I want to be honest. I do know that I can't stop thinking about what happened though, and I think I want more."

Rafael sighed. "I really am not into one night stands, despite what it probably looks like. They are fine when it's with someone you don't know, who you won't see again, but when it's someone you do know, it causes problems. With us working together there are even more issues to consider. Even talking about it at work is a bad idea. You need to think about it and decide what you really want. I won't do anything with you in public again, but if you do decide you want something more between us, I'm sure you can find out where I live easily enough." When Nick didn't respond straight away, Rafael got up and went to sit behind his desk again, and picked up the file Nick had brought and opened it.

Nick finished the coffee and stood up, and looked at the ADA for a few seconds before leaving. He had some thinking to do.

Nick spent the next few days thinking about what Rafael had said. There were three options open to them; they stop everything and leave their relationship work only. That was the least risky option, but not one that appealed. Although Nick didn't know exactly what he wanted, he had already told Rafael that he wanted more than they currently had. The second option was to be fuck-buddies, having a series of one night stands, which was essentially what they were doing now. But Rafael had said he didn't want that, and to be honest, neither did Nick. His relationship with Amanda had been that, or 'friends with benefits', as they were already friends before they had gotten involved. But with that type of non-relationship, Nick had found that there was definitely a lack of communication which led to misunderstandings, and when they worked together closely, the eventual break-up had caused problems between them.

The third but altogether most risky option was to start a relationship; a proper relationship. Surprisingly, that was the option that was appealing to Nick the most. He had never before even considered getting involved with a man, as he had only ever had one night stands with his own sex, saving the relationships for women. Coming out to anyone had never been an option either, as there were still prejudices in law enforcement. It wasn't as if they would be out if they did get involved though, as Rafael was very much in the closet, especially where work was concerned. He really didn't know Rafael well enough to tell if anything between them, other than sex, would work. But he wanted to find out.

He had quite a few regrets in his life of things he hadn't done, and had decided some time ago to make the most of his opportunities. Better to regret the things he did than regret the things he didn't. That went for relationships too. He didn't want to turn his back on a relationship with Rafael, just because he was a man, without exploring the possibilities. Maybe they could take it slowly and go on a few dates to figure out if they actually had anything in common, and were compatible in any ways other than in the bedroom. Nick decided that was what he wanted.

But what did Rafael want? Nick really didn't know. He thought back and realized that so far, all their encounters had been initiated by Nick, and he had made all the decisions. He had approached Rafael at the club, even though he didn't know who it was at the time. At the hotel Rafael had given his room number and left it up to Nick if he decided to come up to the room or not, and even if he would stay the night or not. At the bar it was Nick who made the first move. And now he had left it to Nick to decide what would happen between them and get in touch when he made his decision.

Rafael had never stated what he wanted. This was very unlike the confident, decisive ADA he was used to, who would order people around without hesitation. It appeared he was different in his personal life. Nick remembered what he had said about being hurt, and realized that he wasn't at all confident, and was protecting himself from rejection by letting Nick make all the moves. He was fascinated by the contrast he had seen, even so far, between ADA Barba, and Rafael. It was almost as if they were different people. It made Nick more determined to get to know Rafael better, and not base his decisions on what he knew of the man from work. He also wanted to know what Rafael wanted from him.

A few discrete enquiries easily gave Nick Rafael's home address. Now all he had to do was pick the right day and time. The next few evenings Nick was working late himself, and on the one night he did manage to get away on time, he overheard Liv talking on the phone to Rafael and gathered that he was going to be at a benefit that night, representing the DA's office. So that evening was out too. But the next evening, Nick left work and after a quick bite to eat, headed over to the ADA's home.

Rafael looked very surprised when he answered the door and saw the detective stood there. He smiled at Nick and invited him in, and then offered him a drink. Nick accepted, and looked round, noting the expensive décor and tidiness of the apartment, and enjoying the back view of Rafael in jeans and a sweatshirt as he fixed Nick a whiskey.

Rafael headed back to the lounge area and took a seat opposite Nick. He had not expected that Nick would come round, but that he would decide to give up on Rafael now that the option of fuck-buddies was off the table. Of course that could be why Nick was here, but he didn't need to come round if that was all he wanted to say.

They sat in silence for a minute while Nick sipped his drink, but Rafael was impatient. "So, you've surprised me by coming round here Nick. I assume you've decided what you want, like I suggested."

Nick smiled. "Yes I've given it a lot of thought and have made a decision."

Rafael looked expectantly at him, but then realized that Nick wasn't going to say what his decision was until Rafael asked him. "What have you decided, then?"

"Before I tell you that, I want to know something from you. You've left all the moves to me; let me make all the decisions. So I want to know what you want, Rafael." Nick watched Rafael, seeing him swallow nervously, and look away.

"Why do you want to know? You've made your decision, so will anything I say make a difference?"

Nick laughed. "Answering a question with another one; very good deflection. It won't work though. If we both want different things, then yes it would make a difference to what happens next, if anything. But I still want an answer. What do you want?"

Rafael swigged the remainder of the whiskey in his glass and went over to the kitchen and got a refill. Nick watched him, noting his body language which was so different from what he was used to seeing from the ADA. He couldn't put off the question for long though, and when he realized that Nick wasn't going to speak, but was waiting for his answer, he gave in.

"I can tell you what I don't want. What I don't want is to be an experiment because you want to find out more about gay sex, or to be a dalliance for you until some beautiful woman comes along and sweeps you off your feet. I don't want to be just a distraction when you've had a bad day, or a way to scratch an itch or because you're feeling horny and want to get laid." Rafael was standing looking out of his picture window at the twinkling lights of Manhatton as he said this, not making eye contact with Nick at all.

Nick could feel his anger growing with every word that came out of Rafael's mouth. But he stopped himself before he spoke and took a deep breath. He looked at Rafael and saw his defensive posture, the way his arms were crossed over his chest and he was avoiding looking at Nick. He listened to his tone of voice, and tried to ignore the words. He realized that although Rafael was trying to provoke him into an argument, that he was actually acting the opposite of when they had argued at work. Then Rafael was in his face, glaring at him, making eye contact. This was the opposite. Despite the words he was saying, when Nick looked at all the evidence from Rafael's body language, he could read something different.

Rafael was scared of being hurt again. He was pushing Nick away before he could reject him. He was protecting himself. He considered that Rafael didn't doubt that Nick would be faithful or take a relationship between them seriously, but instead doubted if he would be enough to keep Nick interested. He thought that a woman would be able to offer Nick more than he could. Despite ADA Barba being full of confidence, Rafael was the opposite.

Nick got up, and saw the flinch on Rafael's face as he heard the movement. He walked up to Rafael who was still looking in the opposite direction, and put both arms around the tense man, resting his chin on his shoulder. "Stop trying to push me away," Nick murmured. "It's not working." He felt the deep breath Rafael took and felt a slight easing in the tenseness he could feel in the other man. "Do you really think that if I wasn't interested, if I was going to reject you, that I would have come here tonight? I've thought about it, and I want to get to know you better, date you, and find out if we are compatible, and have anything in common. I think that's what you want too. If you didn't want anything from me, you never would have suggested I come round here, or think about what I wanted. You would have just told me 'no'. So I think we should try this."

Nick waited to see what Rafael's response was. When he didn't say anything, Nick moved round so the two men were facing each other. He lifted Rafael's head until they made eye contact, and looked into his eyes. He wasn't expecting to see them glistening. Rafael looked away quickly. Nick moved closer and hugged the smaller man to him. "I am not planning to hurt you or leave you if someone else comes along. I've never looked at anyone else when I've been involved with someone in the past and I don't intend to start now. If we decide to do this, then I give you my word that I am all in, and won't be using you or looking around at anyone else. But in return, you need commit to making this work as well. Relationships only work when both people are honest and trust each other. You need to trust me Rafael."

"I do trust you, Nick. I'd trust you with my life." It was the first thing that Rafael had said in response to Nick's monologue. This had been so unexpected, that he had been struck dumb.

Nick laughed, "I'm sure you do trust me with your life. That's because of the job though, and not what I mean. You have to trust me with your heart; trust that I won't break it. Trust me enough to be truthful with me and honest about how you are feeling, and what you want. You need to open up to me, and believe that I won't betray that trust. I know that won't be easy, but it's the only way this will work. I suggest we take it slowly though, and work on building up this trust between us gradually. As long as you are willing to try to do that. What do you say? Do you want to try?"

Rafael took in a deep breath before looking up at Nick. "Yes, I want to try." Nick smiled at him and then leaned in to place a gentle kiss on his lips. He didn't let the kiss get out of hand though. This was not a moment for them to be swept up in passion. They pulled away after a few minutes and Nick led Rafael back to the sofa and they both sat down.

Rafael had got his composure back by this point. "How did you realize that I was pushing you away? Most people just see me being an asshole and walk away."

Nick laughed, "Yes, well you do have that reputation, at work anyway. But one thing I've started to realize is that ADA Barba is a completely different man to Rafael. I don't always like Barba, although I do respect him, but I am starting to like what I've seen of Rafael so far. You nearly convinced me with your act earlier, but your words didn't match your body language. You were being very defensive. That's what told me what you were really thinking."

Rafael smiled. "Remind me not to play poker with you. If you can read me that well I'd lose a fortune."

Nick laughed. "Sounds good to me. I could use the money! But for now I'd better go, as I really need to get home. I'm on an early shift tomorrow and I need some sleep. Are you free tomorrow night for dinner?"

Rafael nodded. "Yes, that sounds good."

"Great. I'll book somewhere and let you know when and where if that's okay?" Nick smiled at Rafael's nod, and then got up. Rafael saw him to the door and they shared another hug and a kiss before Nick finally left.

Rafael closed the door behind him and went back to his drink. That had been a very unexpected visit. He was filled with hope though. Despite him doing his best to push Nick away, the detective hadn't been deterred, and had even realized what was behind it. Maybe this would work after all. He was still frightened of getting involved, but decided that Nick was right, and that he must make every effort to make this relationship work out. Not only would he get hurt again if it didn't, but he wouldn't forgive himself if he knew he was the cause of it going wrong. He was determined to give this his best shot.


	4. Four Dates and an Argument

Four Dates and an Argument

The following evening, Nick met Rafael at a Chinese restaurant that he liked. The two men were dressed differently from how they did for work, and by this point Nick was getting more used to seeing Rafael out of his work suit. This time he was wearing dress black trousers and a silk purple shirt, with the top buttons undone and no tie. Nick was wearing a shirt and smart pants too. Both men smiled as they saw each other, then they entered the restaurant.

Over the meal they discussed everything that came to mind except work. Time flew and before they knew it, the restaurant staff were encouraging them to leave so they could close up. They were the only ones left in the restaurant. They took the hint and left, with Nick paying the bill, after a good-natured argument about it. Rafael gave in when Nick told him he could pay next time. Rafael liked the sound of there being a next time.

The restaurant was only a few blocks from where Rafael lived, so they walked back there. At the doorstep Nick stopped. Rafael was surprised, expecting Nick to come in, and said so. Nick shook his head. "I don't think so. It would be too tempting to stay, and this is only our first date. I want to take things slowly, and not get distracted by how great the sex with you is." Rafael had to smile at that, even though he was disappointed. "But if you are free at any point this weekend, I am looking after Frannie for Amanda as she is away, so if you want some fresh air and a walk around the park, let me know. I'd like it if you could join us."

Rafael thought for a minute about what he had arranged, and then agreed to meet him and Frannie the next day at 11am. Nick was about to walk away, but Rafael caught his hand and pulled him to the darkness of the underground entrance to the car park for the apartments. He pulled Nick in for a kiss, getting no resistance. After a few minutes, where the kiss changed from gentle to passionate, and nearly got out of hand, he pulled away. "That's better. Even if it is our first date, I still want a goodnight kiss." He leaned in again for another kiss, this time keeping it quick. "Thanks Nick. I really enjoyed tonight, and am looking forward to seeing you again tomorrow."

Nick smiled. "Me too. I'll see you at 11. Sleep well."

Rafael nodded and smiled before heading into the building, while Nick hailed a cab to take him home. Their first date had been a success, and both men went to bed feeling content.

The next day Nick was throwing balls for Frannie in the sunshine when Rafael joined them. He wasn't really used to dogs, never having had a pet, but Frannie soon took to him when he gave her a treat and then threw her a ball. They walked around the park, chatting about the pets Nick had had growing up, and how Zara had begged for a dog, which was never practical, even when her parents had been together.

Rafael listened as Nick talked about his daughter. He had known that he was unlikely to ever have children as he was gay, so had never paid much attention to them; he didn't want to spend a lot of time with them and crave them himself if it was something that couldn't happen. He had never considered having a partner who had children, but if he and Nick continued to see each other, it was likely that at some point he would meet and get to know Zara. So he asked questions, and saw the happiness in Nick's face as he talked about his last visit with her.

They stopped at a café and got some lunch to go, and ate in the park with Frannie watching every mouthful. She soon realized that Rafael was a soft touch, as he dropped quite a few chips and bits of his sandwich for her. Nick laughed at him. "If you give in so easily to Frannie's begging eyes, I'd better watch out when you meet Zara. She is much more skillful at persuasion than Frannie is." Rafael grinned at him at the confirmation that Nick was anticipating he would meet Zara.

"I'm looking forward to that, especially now I've heard all about her," Rafael confirmed.

Nick's eyes clouded over. "Yes, but obviously it won't be anytime soon. With her living in LA, plus of course, I agreed with Maria that we wouldn't confuse her by introducing her to anyone we were dating unless it is serious."

Rafael nodded. "That's very sensible. I wasn't meaning it would be soon, and anyway, I don't mind meeting her as your friend or a work colleague. She doesn't need to know about our relationship."

Nick sighed. "I think no-one should know about us, especially at work. We need to see how things go first, and it would cause complications at work if anyone knew. We need to give it time but for now just keep it between the two of us."

Rafael nodded. He was disappointed, but realized it was for the best. He didn't want to have to keep quiet though. He hadn't been in a relationship for a long time and now he had found someone, he wanted to talk to someone about it. But he could see the wisdom in not doing so. He could be patient. It was only their second date after all, even though it didn't feel like it as they had known each other for so long.

They went their separate ways not long after that. Rafael was meeting up with his mother and Nick had to get Frannie home. Rafael was disappointed that their date ended without them touching each other at all, even casually. Of course they had been in public in the park, and they had agreed to be discrete, which kissing in the park wasn't. A small voice in his head asked if Nick would have been so reluctant if it was a woman he was seeing. Rafael ignored it.

Thanks to a big case that had them all working long hours the following week, their next date wasn't until Saturday night. They had been in touch during the week though, through texts and the occasional late night phone call. Of course, they had seen each other in work too, but both men were working hard at remaining professional, and not showing any indication that their relationship had changed. Neither of them found it too hard, to their surprise. They had practiced ignoring their feelings for each other since they had first got together in LA, so this was just an extension of that, even though they were now closer in their private lives.

Thankfully nothing came up at work to stop them meeting up on Saturday night at a bar close to Nick's apartment. They had a few drinks and then ordered food. It was quite dark in the booth of the bar where they were sitting, and the two men found themselves sitting very close together, with their thighs brushing each other's, unseen by anyone. Their eyes were meeting and holding, and both men could feel the anticipation in the air, and knew that neither of them were going to be satisfied with a goodnight kiss tonight.

But before they got into bed with each other again, Rafael wanted to know how experienced Nick was, and what he was comfortable doing. Not really the ideal place to have this conversation, but he suspected it wouldn't happen otherwise. "I know that you have been with men before me, from what you told me in LA, but I also sense you're not very experienced in that department, so before we get intimate again, I wanted to get a few more details. I don't want to push you into anything you're not comfortable with, or make any assumptions." Rafael spoke in a low voice, so no-one would have any chance of overhearing them, but Nick glanced round before answering.

Nick swallowed and looked down. He hadn't really expected this. "Well, my first encounter, I suppose you would call it, was in Iraq. I suppose I should have expected it, with all us men away from home and no chance of being with a woman. It wasn't much, just a group of men giving each other hand jobs. It was treated like it was normal, and no-one was doing more or expecting more, that I could see. It did open my eyes though, and make me start to see the possibilities more. Then we had one free weekend where some men made it clear they knew where to go to get laid, and I went along with them. I hadn't realized until too late that it wasn't a brothel they were going to, but they were meeting up with men, but I was so horny by that point that I carried on. I got a blow job that night, and the next time it happened, I fucked the guy. I had never realized how much enjoyment I could get with a man, which in the past I had only had with women." Nick looked at Rafael and finally met his eyes, but didn't see any judgement there.

"Go on," Rafael encouraged him.

"When I got back I was still single. I was doing a lot of overtime and trying to move up in the ranks and get off the beat, and didn't really have time for dating. So when I needed to get off, I occasionally went looking for male company. I tried a few of the clubs with back rooms, and found I could get what I needed there. It continued when I was undercover too, and I never met any of the men twice, or did much. It was usually hand jobs or blow jobs, and when it did get as far as fucking, I was never on the receiving end. I found I was attracted to some men, but never really considered having a relationship or doing more than I was already. Men were a convenience rather than relationship material. Then I met Maria, and fell head over heels for her. I was faithful to her until our marriage broke up, and then I went back to my old ways, although I did have the occasional dalliance with a woman too." Nick let out a relieved breath. It was all out now.

Rafael briefly squeezed Nick's hand before letting go and having a drink. "Thanks for telling me that. With that past I'm surprised you even considered getting involved with me, with any man."

Nick shrugged. "So am I to be honest. But in the past I've always been able to forget about any encounters I've had the next day, but with you I couldn't. I suppose the time in your hotel room was so different to previous encounters with men, which had always seemed so sordid. What happened was much more like I've had with women so I think that's why it stayed with me. Knowing you and having fancied you for a while also didn't help me to forget it."

Rafael smirked. "I knew you fancied me, and that was why you approached me in that club, even if you wouldn't admit it at the time."

Nick looked a bit sheepish. "Yeah, I gave myself away a bit there. But if it had been the other way round, and you had seen me, would you have made a move towards me?"

Rafael grinned. "Definitely. I'd been attracted to you since I met you, even though you irritated the hell out of me at work sometimes."

"So you really haven't done anything more with any man than you've done with me," Rafael checked. Nick nodded. "That's fine. I am comfortable on the receiving end, and what we've done together so far has been pretty good. We don't need to do more, unless you want to expand your horizons at some point. Just let me know if you do, and otherwise we'll stick with what you're comfortable with."

Nick cleared his throat. "Well I am curious. In the past when I've been with men it's been about my pleasure, and just wanting to get myself off, and do what I needed to do for my partner, but in that hotel room you really seemed to enjoy yourself."

Rafael smirked. "I did. I assume you've never had any prostate stimulation then?"

Nick flushed and glanced round the bar again, but no-one was paying them any attention. He shook his head and couldn't meet Rafael's eyes.

Rafael laughed, and Nick looked round and glared at him. "We spend half our working lives talking about sex in one way or another but you're blushing at our conversation? It just strikes me as funny." Luckily Nick saw the funny side too and relaxed.

"Yeah, but it's different when I'm talking about myself. Anyway, it's your turn. How did you realize you were gay?"

Rafael took another drink. "I was in high school and realized that although I found girls attractive, I also liked some of the guys. I knew I couldn't admit that though, so concentrated on the girls. I started seeing Yelina and although we were good friends, it never really felt to me the way I expected a relationship should, and neither did the sex. When I went away to Harvard, it wasn't hard to leave her behind, and I wasn't that surprised to hear she had decided to start seeing Alex. It didn't break my heart."

"At Harvard I worked hard but found time for some fun too, and things were more accepted than in the Bronx. I had a brief relationship with one of the guys I met and realized that I definitely preferred men to women. Then I met James, who was older and not involved with the college crowd. We started seeing each other and I fell hard for him. He introduced me to all the joys to be had with gay sex, and we saw each other for about 6 months, although he told me he travelled a lot, so we didn't see each other as much as I wanted to. It was only by accident that I found out the truth, by bumping into him at a local park. He was with his family. After that, I threw myself into my studies and didn't have more than one night stands for years. I didn't want to get hurt again. I have had a few relationships since, but nothing serious. I've got used to being alone, and my work taking up most of my life."

Nick sighed. "So this is quite a change for both of us." Rafael looked at him and nodded.

"I think it's worth it to take the risk though. I do want things to work out with you Nick, and am willing to do what it takes to give us the best chance." Rafael looked into Nick's eyes as he said that, and the detective could read the truthfulness there. He smiled.

"Me too." Nick finished the rest of his beer and stood up. "How about we get out of here?" he suggested. Rafael quickly followed and they made their way to the desk and paid for their meal before leaving the bar. Nick set off walking towards his apartment, and the two men didn't speak all the way there.

Nick opened the door and let them in, and no sooner had he got the door locked behind them, Rafael was kissing him passionately. Nick responded immediately and the two men tried to get each other's coats off without breaking the kiss. Nick steered them backwards and they bumped into the sofa, with both men falling onto it, still wrapped up in each other. They were grinding against each other, and trying to get off their shirts when the sounds of Rafael's cell phone ringing interrupted them.

Nick pulled away and quickly moved off Rafael so he could get to his cell. He knew that with their jobs there was no way they could ignore a call that might be urgent. Rafael sat up and reached into his pocket and sighed when he saw Olivia's name on the screen. He had hoped it wasn't work. He answered and listened as she explained the case she had been called to. She needed a warrant and he would have to sort it out for her immediately, as a child was in danger. He promised to get back to her as soon as he got hold of a judge, and then sat looking at Nick, feeling frustrated. Nick looked the same as him.

"I have to go, get a warrant for Liv." Rafael sighed and ran his hand through his hair, realizing it was ruffled from the make out session he and Nick had been interrupted from.

"I guessed that." Nick squeezed Rafael's hand and then stood up. "If there's one thing I do understand, it's your job. It could just as easily been me that got called into work. We'll definitely pick this up again, next time."

Rafael smirked. "I hope so. I can't wait." He stood up and leaned in to kiss Nick goodbye before picking up his coat and leaving. By the time he got to the precinct, he was in work mode, and able to concentrate on the job.

It took a few days before Rafael and Nick could schedule some time together again, and this time Rafael invited Nick to his apartment for dinner. He told Carmen he wouldn't be back to the office after court, so he had time to cook, and by the time Nick escaped from the precinct and got there, the food was in the oven.

Nick was determined that they wouldn't get interrupted this time and left frustrated, and latched onto Rafael straight away. Their kiss turned passionate in seconds, and they were removing each other's clothing within minutes. Nick pulled away from the kiss to ask about the food, but once Rafael confirmed it would be fine in the oven for an hour, there was no more hesitation. Both men stumbled down the hallway to Rafael's bedroom, and hastily removed their clothing before moving back into each other's arms on the bed.

Rafael was the one who pulled away this time. "Slow down Nick. We've got time. I want to savor this." He pushed Nick down onto the bed and held his arms down as he slowly explored all the golden skin that was revealed to him. He sucked Nick's earlobe, licked down his throat and pressed kisses to his collarbone before moving down to the taut muscles of his chest. By the time he had sucked Nick's nipples to hardness and traced every ridge of his six-pack with his tongue, the detective was arching off the bed and his cock was dripping.

"Rafael, stop please. I can't take any more." Rafael pulled away with a smirk and straddled the detective as he reached for a condom and lube from the bedside drawer. Nick took the lube from his hand and opened it, squeezing some onto his fingers before wrapping them around the ADA's hard cock. Rafael immediately groaned and thrust into the hand enclosing him, before pulling away. Instead he guided Nick's fingers towards his opening, and Nick took the hint and started to open him up. He watched Rafael's face and could see the arousal there. Once he was sufficiently relaxed, Rafael opened the condom and put it on Nick before moving position. He sat down and felt himself open up and take in Nick's cock. After a few seconds he started to move, and Nick thrust upwards. He was watching Rafael's face still, and could see when he hit his prostate from the moan and look of ecstasy. They got into a rhythm and both men were looking into each other's eyes as they got closer to their peaks. Nick leant up on one arm and briefly kissed Rafael before leaning back and using his still sticky hand to finish the older man off. The look on his face and hearing his own name called out was enough to tip Nick over the edge, and both men collapsed to the bed to catch their breath.

Unlike the previous times, there was no awkwardness now. Nick looked at Rafael and saw the relaxed grin on his face. Rafael sensed he was being looked at and opened his eyes. He rolled over closer to Nick and reached up to kiss him. "Wow, that was definitely worth the wait," he commented. "I think we need a shower before dinner though."

Nick grinned. "Is your shower big enough to share?" he asked.

Rafael laughed. "Just about. Come on." He pulled Nick off the bed and into the bathroom.

Half an hour later both men were partly dressed as they sat in the lounge and Rafael dished up their dinner. They had worked up an appetite and so had no conversation while they ate the delicious Cuban dish that the ADA had prepared. Then they washed up before sitting back on the sofa with a drink each.

Nick was feeling affectionate and couldn't stop touching Rafael, who was in no way objecting. They didn't talk, but moved towards each other for another kiss, which continued lazily. Passion started to build again, and Nick took charge, and took off Rafael's top, before exploring the skin of his top half. "I thought I'd miss breasts and curves, but I'm not. This is nice," he commented as he caressed a nipple before running his fingers through Rafael's chest hair.

"Good," Rafael commented breathlessly. He was feeling turned on again and starting to get hard, something he wasn't sure he would do, considering he wasn't as young as Nick was.

Nick reached further down and caressed the bulge he could see in Rafael's pants. "I like this too," he said with a grin, feeling the twitch of the cock under his hand and it grow harder as he caressed it.

"I'm definitely glad about that. We would have a problem if you didn't," Rafael laughed.

Nick moved in for a kiss, and then stood up, catching Rafael's hand in his own, and pulling him up too. "Come on. I think we need more space and the lube."

Rafael happily followed. "Oh yeah. What did you have in mind?" he asked as they got to the bedroom and both men started to take their clothes off again.

Nick swallowed hard and picked up the lube before passing it to Rafael. The older man could see nervousness in his eyes. "I thought you could show me what's so good about prostate stimulation," he said, quietly.

"Are you sure?" Rafael asked. He hadn't really expected Nick to be ready to try anything new so soon. He saw the determined nod though and quickly coated his fingers in the slippery lube. "Okay. But tell me if you change your mind or want me to slow down."

Nick lay down at Rafael's urging and the older man settled between his legs. Nick looked surprised.

"I thought a bit of distraction would be helpful for you, plus I want to taste you again," Rafael explained. He kissed his way up Nick's thigh and rolled his balls round in the palm of one hand before licking up the cock in front of him, and at the same time moving his hand further back. He stroked over Nick's opening as he took the head of the cock in his mouth and sucked. Nick arched off the bed and moaned at the sensation. He was aware he had tensed up his ass and consciously tried to relax. Rafael made no attempt to push his finger in though, and Nick soon got used to the sensation of being stroked there, and found it aroused him.

A few minutes later Rafael asked Nick if he was comfortable and wanted to try one finger. Nick nodded. Rafael sucked Nick deep into his throat and caressed his cock with his tongue, then gently slid his middle finger forward, gently breaching the tight muscles. Rafael pulled back to breathe and coached the inexperienced man "push out, and it won't hurt that way."

Nick did as he was told and felt the pain ease and the finger slide into him. It was a weird feeling but no more than uncomfortable. Rafael crooked the finger and searched for Nick's prostate, finding it easily. He stroked the gland gently, watching Nick's face all the time to see his reaction. It was just what he hoped for. Nick gasped and his eyes opened in shock as he hadn't expected the pleasure he was feeling. "Do it again, more," he begged Rafael, who smirked but did as he was asked.

Within minutes Nick was lost in passion, thrusting between the mouth sucking his cock and the finger thrusting in and out of him, stimulating his prostate on each pass. He called out a warning but Rafael didn't stop, and was soon swallowing Nick's release. He pulled his finger out and had used a wet wipe to clean both his hand and Nick's groin before the detective came back to himself.

Nick gazed at Rafael in wonder. "Thank you. I never realized it would feel like that. It was amazing."

Rafael smiled at him. "It was my pleasure."

Nick pulled Rafael towards him so he could kiss the other man, and realized that although he had come, his partner was still hard and in need of relief. He pushed Rafael down to lie on the bed and moved downwards, taking the hard cock in his hand before enclosing it with his mouth. This he had done before, although it was different this time in a bed in the light, rather than the dark alleyway they had been in last time.

Rafael gasped as he felt the suction on his most sensitive organ, and gasped out that he wouldn't last long. Nick had no sooner swiped a finger over Rafael's opening and licked his cock for a minute before he felt a hand on his shoulder and felt the gush of semen enter his mouth. He swallowed before licking the cock clean and then moving back up the bed to take his lover in his arms.

Rafael was still gasping as he recovered from his orgasm when Nick spoke. "How am I meant to get practice at that if you come so soon," he said with a grin, making it clear it wasn't a criticism.

Rafael turned his head to look at him. "Considering what a turn on it was to watch you, you're lucky I lasted as long as I did. Don't worry, you will get chance to practice again, although I don't really think you need it." Nick grinned at him.

"I guess by your reaction that you like your prostate being stimulated," Rafael commented.

"Oh yeah. If being fucked is anywhere near as good, I can see I'll be fighting you for who bottoms soon." Nick said with a laugh.

Rafael joined in the laughter. "We can take turns. It'll be a while before you're ready for that anyway. Taking one finger is not the same thing as taking a cock, so you'll need a bit of opening up and to get used to relaxing first. We'll get to it though."

"Good," Nick murmured. He felt his eyes closing and cuddled closer to Rafael.

Rafael pulled the covers over them and turned out the light, and both men drifted off to sleep in each other's arms.

A month later, both men were feeling more secure in the relationship. They were spending quite a few evenings each week together, plus a considerable amount of each weekend, and the more time they spent together, the more they found they had in common. They were getting on great, and their sex life was definitely in the honeymoon stage. After a few weeks of getting used to anal stimulation, Nick was loving it, and after some persuasion, Rafael had finally felt his eager new lover was ready for it, so topped Nick. The detective had a day's soreness, which he declared was totally worth it, and now they were good naturedly arguing about who was to top each time they had intercourse.

Rafael had been consciously trying to open up to Nick, and be honest about his feelings, and the closer they got, the more he trusted him and felt comfortable doing so. Their relationship was going great, and Rafael had never been happier.

They spent the day in the park, making the most of a lovely day, and took a picnic with them. They were surrounded by families and other couples, but felt pretty anonymous in the crowd, and were making the most of the time they had together before the work week started again. Just then, Rafael heard a voice calling out his name. He looked round and saw one of his oldest friends, Eddie, walking towards him. Nick and Rafael had been sitting pretty close together, with Rafael's hand on Nick's arm. But as soon as Nick heard Rafael's name being called, he immediately tensed up and snatched his arm away. He shuffled backwards on the blanket so they were a couple of feet apart, a respectable distance.

Rafael looked at Nick in confusion, after greeting Eddie and waving, but he didn't have time to say anything as Eddie was stood there in front of him. Rafael stood up and hugged his friend, and then introduced the two men. He hesitated as he introduced Nick, not sure how to introduce him, and Nick quickly added that they worked together. Eddie shook Nick's hand but looked at Rafael, and the ADA could see that Eddie thought Nick's reaction was strange. He chatted with Eddie though for a couple of minutes, before he excused himself, saying he was on his way to pick his son up from a party.

After Eddie walked away, there was an uncomfortable silence between the two men. Rafael looked at Nick and waited to see if he was going to say anything. When it became obvious that he wasn't, Rafael decided to break the silence.

"So, are you going to explain what happened there, Nick?" he asked.

Nick looked back, after having avoiding eye contact for the last couple of minutes, and tried unsuccessfully to brush it off. "What? I don't know what you're talking about," he muttered.

Rafael leaned forward towards Nick and held eye contact. "Of course you do. That over-reaction when Eddie walked up. You jumped away from me as if we were naughty children being caught with our hands in the cookie jar."

Nick shrugged. "It wasn't that bad, you're exaggerating. It just took me by surprise. I wasn't expecting to see anyone either of us knew."

Rafael laughed. "Oh it was that bad Nick, and that obvious. Eddie certainly noticed it. He is one of my oldest friends, and he's known I'm gay for decades. He wouldn't think anything of seeing me with a man, and wouldn't have given it another thought. He's not homophobic, but you certainly gave the impression you are."

Nick glared at him. "I'm not. You know I'm not."

Rafael looked at him with an expression of disbelief. "I know you have no problem fucking me, or me fucking you, but you obviously have a problem being seen with me, and with anyone getting the impression you might be gay." He said this in a low voice, well aware of the people surrounding them.

Nick looked round hastily. "Can we not have this conversation here?" he hissed.

Rafael glared. "You'd prefer to go somewhere private, where there is no danger of bumping into anyone else we might know?"

"I'd prefer to not have this conversation at all, but if we have to have it, then yes, it should be in private." Nick stood up and started packing up their things into the basket. Rafael stood still and watched Nick who was now a whirlwind of activity, wanting to get out of there as fast as possible. Only when Nick had finished packing up their stuff did he make eye contact with Rafael again.

Rafael was stood with a sad expression on his face, and a look in his eyes that Nick could read as disappointment.

"When we first agreed to start this relationship Nick, you insisted that in order for it to work I needed to trust you and open up to you. I've tried very hard to do that. But it goes both ways. You need to be honest with me and trust me. I know you have a problem with anyone seeing you in a gay relationship, but you need to admit that and talk to me. We can get past this if you want to, but you've got to want that. I won't be your dirty little secret. I'm not suggesting we walk hand in hand into the precinct together; I know it's best if no-one at work knows about us, but I didn't expect you to want to keep us secret from everyone in both our lives. That's not what I want from our relationship, and if it is what you want, then we might as well stop this now. Your decision Nick. Let me know when you've made it."

After he finished saying this, Rafael looked into Nick's eyes for a minute, seeing the confusion, the anger and the shock there. Then he walked away. He knew if they carried on discussing this, here or somewhere private, that they would both lose their tempers and say things they didn't mean, and they would be over. He didn't want that. He wanted Nick to calm down and think about what had happened and what he wanted from their relationship when he wasn't angry. Rafael felt tears pricking his eyes as he walked home. Things had been going so well and he had been feeling optimistic, and knew he was falling in love with Nick. He didn't want things to end, but on the other hand, if Nick really wanted to keep them a secret, and was embarrassed to be seen with him, then it was better that they called things quits now.

Nick was left stood with a picnic basket in his hand, watching Rafael walk away. He knew he had messed up, and he felt embarrassed and angry at what had happened. He hadn't thought about it, just reacted instinctively, and he couldn't blame Rafael for being upset with him. As he walked back to his own apartment, and then got on with the chores that needed doing over the rest of the weekend, he couldn't stop thinking about what Rafael said. It was true; he had seen how much effort Rafael had put into being open with him and talking to him about how he was feeling. He wasn't sure how to do the same though. He hadn't realized he had a problem being seen with Rafael until now. But did he really want to call it quits and give up? Nick thought back over the last 6 weeks; they had been getting on so well and having such a great time together. He wanted to keep that, and build on it. If it meant he needed to get used to people thinking he was gay, then he would have to do that. It was worth it.

Nick made his way to Rafael's apartment the next day and knocked on the door. Rafael opened the door and let him in without saying anything. Nick could see the guarded look in his eye, and how tense he looked. He realized that Rafael thought he was there to dump him. Nick walked up to Rafael as soon as he closed the door and wrapped his arms around him. "I'm sorry," he murmured, and dropped his head to kiss Rafael's neck. "I know I over-reacted. I didn't think about what I was doing. I didn't mean to hurt you." Nick could feel Rafael relax, and his arms wrapped around his back as he returned the hug.

Rafael breathed in the scent of Nick, not realizing how much he had missed it, with only one day apart. "Thanks Nick. I'm glad you're here." They stayed in the hug for a minute, before Rafael pulled away and walked to the kitchen to get them drinks. Nick followed him and watched as he poured out a scotch for each of them. They both moved to the lounge and sat on the sofa, close enough to touch.

Nick knew he needed to do the talking here, although he still wasn't sure what to say. "I want to be with you, in this relationship. Don't doubt that. I didn't realize I would have a hard time adjusting to it around people we know until now. I suppose I've always been conscious of other people's opinions, more so than I should be. I don't want to hide. I know most of my friends aren't homophobic, although I doubt my family will react well. As you've said, your friends know already that you are gay, so will be fine with us. I think I just need to get used to it."

Rafael sighed, but took Nick's hand in his own. He had been doing some thinking of his own in the last day. "I believe you, Nick. I want you to be sure though. I don't want to get more invested in this relationship if you're going to have a problem with us being seen together."

Nick lifted Rafael's hand and bent forwards so he could kiss the palm. He looked into Rafael's eyes. "I am sure. I… care about you, a lot. I want this to work. I know I might feel a bit uncomfortable at the moment around other people but I will get over that. I'm not giving this up." He could see the softness in Rafael's eyes and realized that the other man had read into his words what he really felt. It was too soon to speak about love, but that was the sentiment he was starting to feel, even if he couldn't say so yet. He could read the same in Rafael's eyes too.

Rafael nodded and smiled at Nick before moving closer and leaning in to kiss his lover. "We can take it slow, and plan to meet each other's friends, so you can get used to it. I know your family is different and there is no rush there."

Nick laughed. "It's ironic that the one set of people we both know aren't homophobic and won't have a problem at all with us is the one we can't tell – the ones we work with."

Rafael smiled. "I know. Personally I don't have a problem with that, as long as it's just SVU, as there can still be some homophobia in the PD, but it's probably best not to start with them. If we continue to see each other then we will need to disclose, sooner or later, so the DA and Liv would need to know, but we're not there yet."

"No, we're not, but we will get there," Nick promised. "In the meantime, how about we make up properly," he suggested, as he pulled Rafael closer and allowed his feeling to show on his face. He had missed his lover the night before, and wanted to make up for lost time.

Rafael grinned and pulled Nick into a kiss. He had no problems with this at all.

Four weeks later and the subject of them coming out to other people caused problems again. After they had made up, Rafael had decided to drop the subject for a bit, to give Nick more time to get used to the idea. He had visited his mom though, and had told her that he was seeing someone. She was happy for him, as she had been nagging him for some time about him always working and looking tired. She was keen to meet Nick, but Rafael put her off, telling her that they hadn't been seeing each other long enough to introduce family yet. He also didn't mention that Nick had a problem meeting people as a couple. It was still at the back of his mind though, a niggle he couldn't quite get rid of.

When he next saw Nick that evening he told her about his visit to his mom, and that he had told her about the two of them, although she knew no details. Nick looked uncomfortable, but didn't say anything. But while the subject was being discussed, Rafael did tell Nick about the invite he had to a friend's birthday. It was a meal at a bar with probably about a dozen people going. Rafael wanted Nick to come too and meet his friends. Nick wasn't so sure. At first he made an excuse about work, but that just made Rafael angry, and he accused Nick of lying to him.

"Stop lying, Nick. If you wanted to be there you could be. You know Liv always tries to accommodate requests for nights off. You just don't want to be there. You don't want to meet my friends." Rafael glared at Nick, feeling his temper flair.

Nick glared back. "We agreed that we would take things slowly. Meeting a group of your friends like this is not taking it slowly. I thought you had more patience than this. First you tell your mom and now this. Stop rushing me. It's only been a couple of months."

Rafael took in a deep breath, trying to keep his temper. "It's been 10 weeks, and that might not be a long time to you, but it is for me. I'm serious about this relationship. I didn't realize there was a time limit before you would take it seriously. We discussed this a month ago, and you said then that you would make an effort and we could meet each other's friends. You've made no effort to tell anyone and the first time I suggest you meet with any of my friends, you make an excuse to get out of it. Admit it Nick, you're homophobic. You have a problem with gays, especially with yourself being attracted to men. You'd be much more comfortable with a woman, and I bet by now you would have introduced me to your friends if I was a woman."

Rafael could see Nick's fists clench, and took a step away from Nick, worried he'd gone too far. Nick saw this reaction and stopped, taking in deep breaths to get himself under control. He glared at Rafael but didn't say anything. He didn't trust himself to say something he would later regret. Instead he picked up his jacket and walked away, leaving Rafael's apartment and slamming the door behind himself.

Rafael slumped onto the sofa and let the tears pooling in his eyes fall. Oh God, what had he said? He knew it was his insecurity showing. Everything was great with them when it was just the two of them, but they needed to resolve this issue. He was worried that Nick would decide he couldn't get used to being in a gay relationship and break up with him. He poured himself another drink and drowned his sorrows in scotch.

In the meantime, Nick was making his way home, trying to figure out how everything had gone to hell so quickly. He realized he had panicked when first Rafael had told him that he had discussed their relationship with his mother, and now he wanted them to go out as a couple with his friends. Nick didn't feel ready for that. He couldn't even blame Rafael for accusing him of homophobia. He remembered the gay murderer who they had put away a year earlier, who had hated himself for being gay. He knew homophobia wasn't only found in people who were openly dismissive of gays. He had to find a way to get more comfortable with this and start telling people about their relationship. Despite what he had said, he did consider it serious, and had no intention of giving it up, even if he wouldn't have had these problems if he was seeing a woman instead of a man.

Both men slept badly that night, both of them stewing over the argument and worrying about what it meant for their future.


	5. Disclosure

Disclosure

Liv watched Nick as he drove them back to the precinct. He had been off all day – quiet, a bit off pace, and not focussing on the job on hand. Luckily they were following up on a case that had already been solved, rather than an active case, as otherwise this could have been a problem. She decided she needed to tackle him and try and get him to talk about whatever was on his mind, as this couldn't go on.

"So what's up with you today, Nick? You've been off your game all day. Anything I can help with?" she asked.

Nick sighed. "It's personal," he said.

"I guessed that, but we're friends as well as partners. Maybe it would help to talk about it," she suggested.

Nick looked round at her and saw the genuine concern in her eyes. "I'm having relationships...issues. I'm not sure how to resolve them."

"I didn't know you were seeing anyone at the moment," Liv commented.

Nick smiled. "Yeah, well we've been keeping it quiet deliberately. But to be honest, I think that is contributing to the problems we're having."

Liv frowned. "It's not Amanda again is it?"

Nick laughed. "God no. I learnt my lesson there. Anyway, what we had was more casual than that. We're definitely not compatible in a relationship."

"So, tell me about her? What's her name; how did you meet?" Liv quizzed him, relieved to know that he and Amanda were not trying again. She could see they wouldn't work together so was happy to hear they had come to the same conclusions. She didn't need problems between them.

Nick sighed again and was quiet for a minute. "I don't really know how much I can say, or should say." He was quiet again, before adding "It's a man, not a woman." He looked at her to see her eyebrows rise up in surprise. "Have I shocked you?"

Liv smiled. "Surprised me, yes. I had no idea you had any interest in men."

Nick shrugged. "All my previous relationships have been with women. I have had brief encounters with different men over the years, but not more than that. This was unexpected."

"So what is the problem between you?"

"I don't have any problems when it's just the two of us. We get on great, but when we are out in public I feel uncomfortable. He wants to introduce me to some of his friends, but I keep avoiding it. I've never considered myself homophobic, but I'm having trouble seeing myself as a man in a gay relationship. I know this hurts him, but I don't know how to get over it." Nick felt embarrassed just telling Liv how he felt, but he needed to talk to someone, and she had offered.

Liv considered what he had just told her. "Who knows about the two of you? Have you told anyone?"

Nick frowned. "He has told his mom that he's seeing someone, although not told her much about me. I haven't told anyone, apart from you now."

"Maybe you should start telling people. You know none of us at SVU are homophobic or are going to give you grief about it. If you do tell people, it will be a start, and show him that you are making an effort. You're not going to feel comfortable straight away, but you can gradually expand your comfort zone that way."

Nick shook his head. "I can't do that. Neither of us can tell people at work."

Liv stared at him. "Why not?"

Nick looked back at her. "Come on Liv, although it's more accepted now, there are still cases where gay cops are not given backup on time, or harassed for their sexuality. It's not worth the risk."

"I'm not suggesting you tell everyone in the precinct. Just those of us in SVU, who you are close to, and who you know will accept you. We can all keep our mouths shut. These things are better out in the open, rather than hidden."

"Yeah, like you told us you were seeing Cassidy? Pot calling the kettle black there I think Liv."

Liv tried to explain herself. "That was different. We knew each other on the job." Just then an opening appeared in the traffic, so Nick managed to get them down a side road and back to the precinct. It gave Liv time to think about what else she could do to help Nick. They parked up and then she touched him on the arm as he was about to head up the stairs to the squad room. "Come on Nick, it's late enough. Let's call it a night and go and get a drink. I think you could do with one."

He looked at her for a few seconds, considering his options. He knew if he went home he would just stew on things, and not resolve anything. "Okay."

Liv smiled at him and they walked to their usual bar and got a drink each before settling in a secluded corner. "You have seemed happier for the last couple of months, so I would assume he makes you happy. Every relationship has problems, so I'm sure you can get through this. Having never been involved with a man before, it's bound to make you feel a bit more uncomfortable than seeing a woman, and I'm sure he must realize that. Have you been honest with him and told him how you feel?"

Nick shrugged and took a sip of his drink. "He knows how I feel, although I panicked yesterday and made excuses to get out of meeting his friends. But he has been hurt in the past and is very defensive. He doesn't have confidence in me, in us, yet. He's convinced I'll find some woman and leave him, so this reinforces the doubts he already has. He sees it as me being ashamed to be seen with him, for people to see me as gay."

Liv sighed. Relationships could be tough, and it must be especially hard with issues like this to deal with. "I don't see how you're going to convince him or start feeling comfortable about it unless you do start to let people know about you. There are obviously friends and family he wants to tell. How about you? Is there anyone you would feel comfortable telling – friends or family?"

Nick laughed. "The people I know who would react the best and so I would be okay telling are you guys at SVU. My family are quite traditional. I don't think they would take it well. Neither would Maria. And there is no way I am informing my children at this point. It's too soon."

"You've made a start by telling me. You can tell the others too. I'm not suggesting you bring him to the NYPD summer party or bring him out on nights we all go out together and introduce him to everyone as your boyfriend."

Nick laughed again, when he considered that Rafael was usually invited to those occasions anyway, and they just made sure not to give anyone the impression that they were together.

"I haven't exactly told you anything about him, and I know Amanda. She will be nosey, and ask lots of questions I don't want to answer. If I refuse to tell her it will make things awkward."

"No-one will expect you to tell them anything you wouldn't do about any woman you were seeing."

Nick looked incredulously at her. "Yeah right. Amanda will have a few drinks one night and start trying to quiz me about our sex life."

Liv smiled. "And you tell her it's none of her business, and that you don't kiss and tell."

Nick shook his head. "I can't tell you or any of the others about him."

"Why not?"

Nick just looked into his drink, realizing he was in trouble here. Liv was pretty astute. She would probably figure out it was someone she knew, and from that it wouldn't be too difficult to figure out who it was. "I just can't. Please drop it Liv."

Liv was quiet for a minute, but her mind was spinning. "It's someone I know, isn't it?" she asked in a low voice.

Nick took a large gulp of his drink and then looked pleadingly at her. "I can't answer that Liv. It's not fair of you to expect me to out him to you. I can't do that."

Liv put a hand on Nick's arm, seeing he was getting upset. "Don't worry. I don't expect you to do that. But if it is someone you know from work, that explains a lot. I can understand better why you feel you can't talk to us about it."

Nick nodded. "It's not that I don't trust you."

"I realize that," Liv confirmed.

Just then Nick's phone rang, and he hesitated when he saw who was ringing him. It was Rafael. Luckily he had considered this possibility before, so the name that flashed up on the screen was not Rafael's.

"It's him, isn't it?" Liv asked. "Answer it. I need to visit the washroom anyway." She quickly got up and walked away from the table, leaving Nick to answer his cell.

"Hi Rafi," he answered.

"Thank goodness. I didn't think you were going to answer. I wanted to apologize for last night. I didn't mean to accuse you of being homophobic. I know it's just my insecurities. We can tell people at your pace; there's no rush." Rafael had felt bad all day once he had gotten over his hurt at Nick refusing to meet his friends, but he hadn't been able to speak to him while he was at work.

Nick felt relieved that they were making up, and that Rafael was willing to let him take it slowly. "I'm sorry too. I am trying to get used to the idea of people knowing about us. I think it's the fact that it's a group of people, that's bothering me. Could we maybe tell people one at a time, and maybe if I met your friends gradually, rather than in a group, it would be easier on me?"

Rafael relaxed at this suggestion. "Yes, of course we can do that. Whatever will help."

Nick felt much calmer now. "That will help. It's not that I don't want anyone to know. In fact I've been talking to Liv about us. I've told her I'm in a relationship with a man."

"Really? What did she say?" Rafael enquired. He felt it was a positive sign that Nick had told her.

Nick laughed. "She was fine about it. Says I've seemed happy for the last few months and that's obviously due to you. She would like to know who it is I'm seeing though. Don't worry. I haven't told her."

Rafael thought for a minute. "Do you want to tell her?"

"I thought we agreed that we were keeping it out of work." Nick commented.

"Yes, we did. But if we do keep seeing each other Liv is one of the first people we need to disclose to. Plus she's a good friend of both of us. I don't think she will have any problem with it, and she will keep it to herself if we ask her to. So if you want to tell her, I don't mind. I would love to see the look on her face though!" Rafael laughed.

Nick laughed too, and gestured to Liv that she could come back, seeing her hovering a bit away from him, obviously trying to give him privacy for his call. She sat down just in time to hear his reply.

"Maybe you can. We're at Sullivans by the precinct having a drink if you are free to join us." Nick invited Rafael.

"Are you sure? I could be there in about 15 minutes."

"I'm sure. See you soon." Nick closed the phone and put it down before having another drink.

"Okay, so you're going to get your wish. He's on his way," Nick told her.

"Really? That's great. I'm looking forward to meeting him, and I'm sure you coming out to me will help your relationship from what you've said." Liv was very pleased her curiosity was going to be fulfilled. It would have driven her mad trying to figure out who it was otherwise.

Nick laughed. "Yes, well he apologized for our argument last night, and so did I, so I think things are fine. And you're right; me being willing to tell you will help relieve his fears. Anyway, enough about me and my relationship for now. Tell me what you've been up to recently. How's Noah?"

Nick successfully changed the subject and listening to Liv tell him about all the progress Noah was making with his talking relieved his nerves.

Nick was facing the door, unlike Liv, so kept an eye out so he could see when Rafael arrived. He made sure to show no reaction though, knowing that Rafael would want to get a drink and then join them before Liv spotted him. So Nick looked back at Liv and kept her attention on him until he saw that Rafael had reached their table, and was putting down drinks for all of them. Nick moved over to give his partner room to sit next to him, which he did, and they both looked round to see Liv's face.

She was shocked, and was sure her face reflected that. She looked from one man to the other, but was speechless.

"Wow, I don't think I've ever seen you lost for words before, Liv," Rafael commented with a smirk.

"Yes, well, you've managed to shock me. I can't see how you two would ever have got together considering how much you squabble at work."

Nick laughed, catching Rafael's eye, as they remembered how they had gotten together. "We spent some time together when we were both in LA for that conference, and it grew from that," he told her.

She looked startled. That conference had been 5 months ago, but she didn't think they had been seeing each other that long. "That long ago?"

"We only actually started dating 10 weeks ago," Rafael commented. "But it was spending time together in LA that starting things off. We realized neither of us was exclusively heterosexual, and that we were interested in each other, although we agreed not to pursue it. Then we changed our minds."

Liv could see the affection in both men's eyes as they looked at each other, and read the happiness on their faces. She had always thought if they could get over their animosity they could be friends, so she was pleased to see she was right. "I think it's great. I'm really pleased for you both. I'm grateful you decided to tell me too. Don't worry, I will keep it to myself."

"We know that, Liv," Rafael reassured her. "We both trust you; otherwise we wouldn't have told you."

"I do understand you wanting to keep it quiet at work and respect that. But if you do decide to let the rest of the squad in on it, I am sure they will not have a problem with either of you, although Carisi might be a bit jealous of Nick," Liv added slyly. She was sure the young detective had a crush on Rafael, and had teased him about it before.

Rafael glared at her. "Don't start that again. He has put me on a bit of a pedestal because I'm the ADA, that's all there is to it."

Nick laughed. "Sorry Rafi; I agree with Liv. I think he has a crush on you." Rafael turned his glare to Nick now, which had no effect, other than making Nick laugh more. He did grab Rafael's spare hand which was resting on his jeans-clad leg and hold it in his own, entwining their fingers and pulling until Rafael's hand was resting on Nick's thigh. Rafael's eyes opened wider at this public display of affection, but where they were sitting no-one could see it apart from Liv, who was smiling at them both.

After this they changed the subject, and spent a pleasant hour together before parting; Liv to go home to relieve Lucy, and Nick and Rafael back to Rafael's apartment, where they spent most of their time together. All three of them were happy at how the evening had turned out. Liv was relieved to see that Nick was back to his usual cheerful self, and Rafael was very happy that Nick had not only been willing to come out to Liv, but had even shown affection towards him in front of her. It gave him more confidence in their relationship, something he badly needed.

Over the next week Nick broached the subject of telling other people with Rafael. Rafael suggested he invite one of his oldest friends over for dinner, so it would be just the three of them. Nick agreed, relieved that they had come to a compromise on this. He knew he would feel intimidated meeting all of Rafael's friends at once, but one on one he could cope with.

In return, Rafael quizzed Nick about how he would feel about telling other members of the SVU squad. Nick thought for a minute before deciding that he would feel comfortable with them knowing. He suspected Amanda might give him some grief, purely because of their past, but knew that Finn and Carisi would be okay with it. Liv had given them one suggestion: she had sometimes hosted dinner parties at her apartment, and thought that telling all the squad, away from work, might be an easy way to get it over with. They discussed this, and decided to take her up on the offer.

So it was three weeks later that Rafael and Nick made their way to Liv's apartment, both feeling slightly nervous. They were first to arrive, and Rafael helped Liv open wine in the kitchen while Nick played with Noah before Liv put him to bed. Finn and Amanda turned up next, then Carisi. Finally John Munch arrived. He liked to keep in touch with the squad, and saw them occasionally with his work for the DA's office, so Liv often included him. She had checked this with Rafael and Nick first though.

The group all talked, mainly about work, but with the occasional effort to not talk shop, and then dinner was served. Liv had cooked a lovely meal and all ate well and were very appreciative of the chef. At the end of the meal, Finn asked the question that others had been wondering about.

"So Liv, not that this isn't nice, but is there a point to this evening? Usually when you've invited us over, it's been because you've been promoted, or passed your sergeant's exam, or something similar. You're not about to be made captain are you?" Finn joked.

Liv looked round at Rafael and Nick, who subtly nodded at her. Nick went slightly pale at the thought of this, but the couple of glasses of wine he had drunk had helped his nerves. He was going to go through with this. "Actually, tonight isn't about me at all. I agreed to host, but it's someone else's turn to make an announcement." She looked at Nick, and the others saw who she was looking at, and all turned and waited. Rafael squeezed Nick's leg in reassurance. They had decided that as these were primarily Nick's work-mates, he would do the talking.

"Uhm, yes, thanks Liv. There's something I wanted to let you know about, and thought that away from work would be a good idea." Nick knew he was babbling, and took a deep breath before looking at Rafael, sat next to him. "I wanted to tell you that I'm in a relationship with Rafael, and we are both very happy. We are generally keeping it quiet at work, but we trust you guys, and wanted to let you know."

There was stunned silence from around the table, broken by Finn. "Well, I never would have put the two of you together but I'm happy for you both." He smiled at both men, knowing from his son how difficult it could be to come out to people and how important it was to feel accepted. He wanted to make sure they knew he was on their side and they could count on his support.

Munch laughed. "I thought you had been warned not to take anyone from work home with you Nick," he commented, with a smile that let both men know he was joking. "I suppose you don't work in the same department though, so that will make it easier. I wish you better luck than I had."

Carisi took a swig of his wine, looking at Rafael. He raised his glass. "Good for you, guys. I hope you're happy together."

Altogether, the group turned and looked at Amanda, who was still looking at Nick in shock. "I can't believe it. Since when have you liked men? You were married, and then you were with me. You like women, not men!"

Carisi decided to be tactful and got up to clear the plates away into the kitchen. Munch joined him, and so did Finn, after a last look at his partner. Liv stayed at the table to be able to rein Amanda in if necessary.

Nick sighed. This was what he had hoped to avoid. "It's called being bisexual, Amanda. Yes I like women, but I also like some men. Rafael is someone I like, a lot, and we've been seeing each other more than 3 months now, and are happy together. I hoped you could be happy for us."

Amanda stared at him for a few seconds, and then got up from the table. "I just need some time to get my head around this," she muttered, before picking up her cigarettes from her bag and slipping out of the apartment to go to the nearest fire escape so she could light up. Finn saw her going and followed her.

Nick looked dejected and Rafael took his hand. "Come on Nick. You knew she wouldn't take it well after your past with her. Everyone else was fine. Look at the positives. She will get over it. I'm proud of you for being willing to tell everyone about us. Thank you."

Nick looked up and tried to smile at Rafael. He knew his partner was right; the important thing was that he had done it, and now it was out in the open, and most of the squad had no problems with it at all.

Munch walked out of the kitchen to ask if anyone wanted coffees. He passed on the replies to Carisi and then walked up to Rafael, holding out his hand. The ADA shook it. "Congratulations counsellor. Can I assume if Nick needs bailing out in future, you can pick up the tab?" He smirked at Rafael who laughed.

"He'd better not need bailing out again, and I certainly couldn't have afforded his bail last time, so I will keep your number on hand. I know he appreciates your friendship, so I hope we can get to know each other better outside work too." Nick was called to the kitchen at this point and walked away.

Munch looked seriously at Rafael. "Don't hurt him. It took him a long time to get over the breakup of his marriage, and then he had the rebound thing with Amanda. He needs stability and someone he can count on."

Rafael nodded. "I know. I will do my best not to let him down. I care about him and want this to work between us."

"Good," Munch added with a grin. "After all these years on the job I know where to hide bodies so they will never be found, but I don't want to have to do that to you. We need more ADAs like you around."

Rafael laughed as Nick walked back and handed him a cup of coffee.

Finn watched Amanda for a few minutes but left her alone to think through what she had just learned before he joined her. He stood next to her, looking out over the Manhattan skyline, but not saying anything.

Amanda took a long drag of her cigarette before speaking. "Well, are you going to tell me off for what I said in there?"

Finn looked at her. "No. You don't need me to tell you that you said the wrong thing, but I know you were shocked, after what you and Nick had. I know you're not homophobic, and so do they. You can make it up to them. They need our support, not scepticism. Gay relationships are much harder than heterosexual ones."

Amanda raised her eyebrows at Finn. "You think heterosexual relationships are easy?!"

Finn smiled. "I didn't say that. All relationships are hard. But just getting together is more difficult for gays. I know from conversations with my son that it's easier for us heterosexuals; most people are the same as us so all we have to do is figure out if they are interested in us or not. When you're gay, you have to figure out first if the other man even likes men before you approach them. That's why gay bars and clubs do so well; at least there you know the other patrons are gay. When they do get together, there is still not enough acceptance from other people. Nick must really care for Barba to get involved with him and be willing to come out to us."

Amanda took another drag and ran her free hand through her hair. "I just never would have pegged Nick as liking guys, and especially Barba. He's such an asshole sometimes, and they've argued quite a bit over cases. I can't see how they ever would have gotten together."

Finn shrugged. "Sometimes arguing is a cover for sexual attraction, you know that. Liv is good friends with Barba, and she wouldn't be if he was an ass outside work as well as in. We know he is loyal, hardworking, cares for the victims and is willing to go to bat to help people, even at a cost to himself. Those are admirable qualities. I bet he has some more that Nick has seen and we haven't. But it's their relationship. All we need to do is accept them and give them support if they ever need it."

Amanda nodded. She finished her cigarette and ground the butt out under her boot before taking a deep breath and looking towards Liv's apartment.

Finn watched her. "Just apologize and get it out of the way. Wish them the best and then it's over with. You don't want any ill feeling between you."

Amanda grimaced then walked towards the apartment. "I hate apologizing. I suppose it has to be done though."

Nick tensed up as soon as he saw Amanda walk back into the apartment. Rafael saw his face and turned round, and they both watched as she walked up to them and gave them a cautious smile. "I'm sorry for how I reacted earlier, really I am. I was surprised. I wish you the best in your relationship. I'm not homophobic, and you can trust me to keep my mouth shut in future."

Nick wasn't convinced her apology was genuine, but Rafael decided they should take it at face value and hopefully put her reaction behind them. "Thanks Amanda. Neither of us thought you were homophobic and we do trust you." Nick kept quiet, but nodded his agreement. It was all he was willing to do.

Fin brought Amanda a coffee and changed the subject. Soon the atmosphere had improved and they all made an effort to keep to neutral subjects the rest of the evening.

The next day Amanda made an effort to treat Nick normally, and just be friendly to him. Liv kept the two of them away from each other as much as possible for the next few days, and by the following week they were back to their normal selves. Amanda even made a joking comment when Nick was tired that Barba must have kept him up all night. Nick retorted that she was just jealous as she didn't have anyone to share her bed. She laughed and agreed.

A few weeks after the dinner the squad were on stake-out. As usual in these cases, the detectives on duty quickly ran out of things to discuss, so broached subjects they usually wouldn't. The second evening Nick was with Carisi. The young detective stammered a bit, but eventually asked Nick what he wanted to know.

"I know I've only been with the squad a short time, so there's lots of history between the rest of you guys that I missed, but I definitely got the impression that you were straight until recently, and had even been married for a long time. I have nothing against gay men or bisexual ones, but I just wondered how you knew you liked men. I know it's a personal question, so tell me to shut up and I will but..."

Nick interrupted to stop Carisi babbling. "I don't mind you asking. But why do you want to know?"

Carisi was quiet for a few seconds. "I like the ladies, I really do. But I've had a few dreams about men at different times, and occasionally there is some man I feel attracted to. I've never done anything about it, and probably won't, but..." Carisi trailed off. He was blushing and couldn't look Nick in the eye. He wished he had never asked now, but he really did want to know.

"Have you heard of the Kinsey scale, which rates a person's sexuality on a scale between 0 and 6?" Nick asked. He saw Carisi nod. "I don't believe most people are usually exclusively gay or straight, but usually somewhere on the scale in-between those two extremes. I like women mainly, but sometimes there was a man that caught my eye, same as you. I've always been faithful though, and never done anything behind anyone's back. Over the years I have had a few one night stands with men, but never anything more than that until now. I thought I never would get involved in a gay relationship but life can surprise you. All I can say is to go with your gut. If you like a man, then don't discount anything happening just because you usually go for women."

"Thanks Nick," Carisi said.

"But be careful. When you work for the NYPD, and especially SVU, it would be far too easy for you to get caught if you did something stupid, or end up in a position where someone could blackmail you." Nick cautioned the young detective. "And if anything like that ever did happen, tell me or Liv or even Rafael. We would support you. Don't give in to blackmail, as it never ends well."

Carisi looked worried. "So did you go to gay bars or clubs to meet men, or did you meet gay men in your everyday life and know. I don't think I've got a gaydar. I can never tell about a man."

Nick sighed. "I have never gone to gay venues in New York, and I know what you mean about not knowing if someone is gay or not. I hadn't figured out Rafael was gay."

"Then how...sorry, ignore me, it's none of my business," Carisi babbled, as he realized what a personal question he had nearly asked.

Nick laughed. "You remember that PD conference I went to in LA?" Carisi nodded. "I went to a gay nightclub while I was there, figuring it was safer there than in New York. I bumped into Rafael there. He was doing the same thing. I doubt anything would have ever happened between us if not for that."

"Wow. That was a coincidence. I'm glad things have worked out for you," Carisi added. He was pleased that Nick had trusted him enough to answer his questions, and even told him how he and Barba got together.

"Thanks. I know I shouldn't ask, but while we're on the subject..." Nick hesitated.

"Go on, you can ask me anything," Carisi gushed.

"Okay. So since you started you've always been keen to impress Rafael. Is it just hero worship, or do you have a bit of a crush on him? Is he one of the men you are attracted to?" Nick asked.

Carisi looked shocked and horrified, but Nick couldn't tell if it was the suggestion that he had a crush or that this had been discovered that was upsetting him. "Look, you don't have to answer that. I'm just curious. And I wouldn't tell Rafael either way," Nick reassured him.

"Erm. He's a great lawyer, and I have learnt so much from him, so yes I suppose you could call it hero worship," Carisi answered reluctantly. Nick could see him blushing though, so thought that wasn't the full answer.

"So is that all you feel for him?" Nick asked gently.

Carisi didn't answer, but did shake his head. He looked out of the window, not able to meet Nick's eyes.

"I don't blame you. You've obviously got good taste in men. Don't worry. I won't say anything to anyone. If you do find someone you like who is unattached, take a chance and see what might happen. I decided a while back that life is too short for regretting the chances you didn't take, which is why I took a leap of faith in getting involved with Rafael. I think you're a good guy, Sonny, and you will make someone a great partner someday, whether it's a man or a woman."

Carisi looked round and smiled. "Thanks Nick." He might have no chance with Barba, but he would keep his eyes open and take other chances that arose. He felt more confident after talking to Nick.


	6. Family

Family

Rafael watched Lucia Barba as she gave instructions to all the volunteers at the fair of the charter school she ran. She was in her element and so far everything was going smoothly, at the school at least. Rafael had been there early as instructed to help his mother set up, and he was making the most of the breather to get another shot of caffeine. Things weren't going so well with him today.

The plan had been that Nick would be coming with Rafael, and finally meeting Lucia. This meeting had been postponed a number of times, mainly due to Nick's work schedule, but also due to Lucia's hectic life. But today was the day that things had finally come together. Except they hadn't. Nick had got an urgent call yesterday and had to cancel his evening with Rafael, and late at night Nick had texted to say he would have to meet his boyfriend at the fair, rather than go together.

Rafael was trying not to wonder if Nick was avoiding meeting Lucia, as he really believed they had gotten over that problem. In the last couple of months, not only had they come out to the SVU squad, but also to quite a few of both of their friends, and only last week Rafael had disclosed their relationship to the DA, with Nick's approval. They had been spending most nights together, and things were going really well. Rafael couldn't imagine his life without Nick in it now. It was really only Nick's family that wasn't fully informed about their relationship now, and this meeting with Lucia would be the next step in disclosing to their blood relatives. Nick wasn't as close to his mom and sister since he had testified against his dad, but the real issue would be his ex and children. There was no rush though. Rafael was satisfied they were moving in the right direction.

Lucia caught his attention and requested assistance once more as the fair opened, so Rafael was kept busy and distracted again until he heard his cell phone ringing. He saw Nick's name and face on the screen and quickly answered.

"Hi Rafi, I've finally made it. Where are you?"

Rafael's face broke into a grin, and he quickly explained to Nick how to get to him, then waited anxiously until he saw Nick round the corner. He wasn't alone. He was talking animatedly to a young girl who was holding his hand; Zara. Rafael had seen enough photos of her to recognize her instantly, although he had never met her. It looked as if that was about to change.

Nick saw Rafael as soon as he made it into the hall, and headed towards him. This hadn't been the plan for this weekend at all, but Maria had rung him the day before, and as a result of that, everything had changed. She explained that her mother had just had a stroke, and she wanted to travel to visit with her, as it was very serious and they weren't sure if she would survive. But it really wasn't suitable for Zara to go with her, so she asked Nick to take Zara for at least the next week, maybe longer depending what happened to her mom. Of course Nick agreed. He had made arrangements with his mom, and then drove to the airport to pick up Zara, who had been on the flight unaccompanied. It had been late by the time she was back to Nick's apartment and settled for the night, so he hadn't had chance to fill Rafael in on what was happening. He did text to tell him that he would meet him at the school, as he knew that Zara would need a decent amount of sleep after her long day.

Nick made it to Rafael and introduced two of the most important people in his life to each other. "Rafael, this is Zara, my daughter," he told Rafael, then turned to Zara. "Zara, this is my friend, Rafael. His mom runs this school and they are having a fair today, so there should be loads of fun things to do." Zara looked up shyly at Rafael, who smiled at her.

"Nice to meet you, Zara. Your dad is always talking about you." Rafael told her. She grinned up at her dad when Rafael said this.

Nick apologized to Rafael for not keeping him updated, and quickly filled him in on what had happened. Just then, Nick felt Zara tugging on his top, trying to get his attention. She quickly whispered in Spanish that she wanted the toilet. Nick looked round, not knowing where the restrooms were, but Rafael had heard, and told her they were in the next corridor, and started to lead them in that direction.

Zara looked at him, startled, and announced "You speak Spanish." She used Spanish with her dad around strangers if she didn't want them to know what she was saying, so was surprised that her dad's friend could speak it too.

"Yes, my family's from Cuba, the same as your dad's, so I can speak Spanish," Rafael told Zara, and then as they go round the corner, he pointed out the girls toilet to Zara, who quickly went inside.

Nick took Rafael's hand and squeezed it. "Sorry I couldn't see you last night, but it was late when we got in. I couldn't give up the chance to spend time with Zara, and things moved pretty quickly once Maria rang me. I know we hadn't planned for you and Zara to meet yet, but I thought this was best."

Rafael smiled. "No problem. I'm looking forward to finally getting to know her. The only problem here will be my mom."

Nick frowned. "Why? You can't tell me she doesn't like kids when she runs this school."

Rafael laughed. "No, she loves them, too much. The main problem she had when I came out to her was when she realized it would mean no grandchildren for her. I'm sure she'll like you, but the fact you come with an adorable daughter will be the icing on the cake. You'll never escape this family now if she has anything to say about it."

Nick let out his breath, relieved. Maybe having Zara with him would take the pressure off Lucia liking him. Although he had never met her, he had heard from Liv that she was quite a formidable woman, and so he had been a bit apprehensive about meeting her.

Just then, Zara got out of the restroom, and the three of them headed to a smaller room, where there were activities for younger children, at Rafael's suggestion. Zara soon was sat watching magic tricks from one of the entertainers provided, while the two men caught up more.

"So, do I need to make myself scarce while Zara is here?" Rafael asked, wanting to have some idea what to expect.

Nick looked a bit uncomfortable. "No, not really. My mom is going to watch Zara while I'm at work, and I'll have her the rest of the time. But I don't want you to think you need to avoid her while she is here. I, um, I spoke to Maria last night, about us. I knew Zara would go back home talking about you, and would be asking questions about you, so I thought it would be best to just be upfront." Nick sneaked a look at Rafael, not sure if he would be upset about Nick telling Maria about their relationship when they hadn't discussed it

"How did Maria react?" Rafael was worried about her reaction, but Nick seemed to be okay, so he thought she couldn't have been too bad.

Nick smiled. "I told her I was in a serious relationship, and she wanted to know the name of the woman I was seeing. She was a bit shocked when I said Rafael, but was okay though. She's not homophobic, but just concerned whether Zara might get teased or confused by her dad dating another man not a woman. I will talk to Zara in a few days, after she's had chance to get to know you a bit. I want you both to get to know each other. We need to be discrete in front of Zara, so no kissing or other PDA, but I have no problem with you staying over some nights."

Rafael was pleasantly surprised. He had always been concerned about Nick's family and how they would react. He imagined everything from Maria refusing to allow Zara to meet him and trying to change Nick's custody arrangements, to Nick insisting they stay apart when Zara was in New York. For Nick to have disclosed to Maria and planning to tell Zara about him soon, it proved to Rafael that Nick really had got over his concerns about their relationship. He couldn't stop the grin on his face, and it was only the fact that they were in public that stopped him reaching for his boyfriend. Nick recognized the look on his face and laughed. "Hold that thought until Zara's gone to bed tonight. You can prove to me how much you love me then."

"Don't worry, I will," Rafael replied.

Rafael's cell phone rang, and he picked it up, seeing his mom's name. "Hi mom…. Yeah, Nick's here, and he's brought his daughter with him." Rafael moved the cell away from his ear as he heard his mom's high pitched exclamation. Nick heard it too and smiled, seeing Rafael's eyes roll with a look that said 'I told you so'. "We're in the children's room, by the magician's stand. Zara's enjoying the show."

Rafael finished the call. "I give it about 2 minutes before she gets here. She's probably running down the hallways, something she wouldn't let her students do. I hope you're prepared for this."

Nick just grinned at him.

As Rafael had predicted, it was only a couple of minutes later that Lucia caught her son's attention as she made her way rapidly towards him. "Here you are, Rafael. I believe you have introductions to make." She was looking Nick up and down, assessing his suitability to partner her son. Nick met her gaze and gave her a friendly smile and shook her hand as Rafael introduced them.

"It's great to finally meet you Nick," Lucia said, glaring at her son as if it was his fault that their schedules hadn't met up in order for the meeting to happen sooner.

"You too, Mrs Barba," he replied.

"Call me Lucia," she insisted. "Did Rafael say you had your daughter with you? Where is she?"

Rafael laughed. "Good grief mom. Can't you be satisfied for 5 minutes with just meeting Nick? You'll give him a complex!"

"Nonsense! Anyway, I'm sure if he's dating you, he's got a thicker skin than that. He'd have to have. You're not the easiest person to live with," Lucia responded tartly. "I know quite a bit about Nick as you talk about him frequently, but you never mentioned he had a daughter. So I'm curious."

Rafael mumbled under his breath and Nick could hear something about pots and kettles. He decided to rescue his partner from his mom, knowing what mother-son relationships could be like.

"Zara's grandmother on her mom's side is ill, so she will be staying with me for the next week or two. She lives with her mom in LA most of the time. She's sat on the second row, in the red jacket." Nick pointed out Zara to Lucia, who immediately moved to get a better look at her.

"She's lovely. It must be so nice to have a child. Your mom must be happy she has a grandchild. I haven't been so fortunate," she added, glancing at Rafael as she said so.

"Don't start, mom," Rafael muttered to her. "So how are things going in the main hall so far?" He thought changing the subject would be best.

Lucia smiled. "Great. I think today will raise quite a bit of money which we desperately need for next term."

Nick asked her about the running of the school and within minutes the subject of children was forgotten as Nick and Lucia got into a lively conversation about schools. Nick had visited quite a few in the area when Zara had been living in New York and told Lucia of his experience of the one that Zara had attended. When the magic show finished, Zara rushed back to her dad, and Nick introduced her to Lucia. The older woman had a big smile on her face as she listened to Zara explain how the magician had made the coins appear from mid-air and the rabbit had disappeared.

The foursome walked over to a table by the cafeteria, and Rafael went to get them all drinks while they got to know each other a bit more. Then Lucia had to leave to do her duties around the school, but not before thanking Zara for coming, and telling Nick he had a lovely daughter, and she hoped to meet them both again soon.

Rafael heaved a sigh of relief when his mom finally left them. "Sorry about that crack about grandchildren. She just can't help herself. One of the perils of being an only child I'm afraid."

Nick laughed. "It's not a problem. You did warn me so I expected it. It's a good reason to keep in with me," he teased. He then turned his attention to his daughter, asking her what she wanted to see next.

The three of them spent the rest of the time at the fair together, visiting the stalls and then watching another show later on that Zara wanted to see. Rafael had arranged to clear up some things for his mom at the end of the day, so told Nick his intention to stay behind when they left. Zara hadn't seen her dad for a month before this, so he wanted to make sure she got time alone with him, and didn't resent Rafael for being there. He would have chance to catch up with Nick later or another day. He gave Nick a quick hug and bent down to Zara's height to say goodbye to her, telling her how happy he was to have met her.

Nick walked away, looking back and Rafael and miming that he would call him later. Rafael nodded and smiled at him and then watched as they made their way towards the exit.

Later that evening, Rafael made his way to Nick's apartment, having had a text from him saying that Zara was in bed if he wanted to come over. Rafael wasn't about to refuse. Nick let him in and as soon as the door closed behind Rafael, Nick pushed him against the door and leaned in for a heated kiss.

Rafael pulled away, looking over Nick's shoulder towards the bedrooms, knowing that Zara would be there, and could conceivably walk in on them.

Nick laughed. "Don't worry, she went out like a light and she's a deep sleeper. I'm not expecting to hear anything from her until morning. It would probably be a good idea if you weren't here when she woke up, as I want her to get used to you before telling her about us, but we should be okay until then." He pulled Rafael to the sofa and then once they were both sat down, leaned in again for a steamy make-out session.

Very soon both men were breathing heavily and fully aroused, and Nick suggested they move things to the bedroom. Rafael nodded and they were quiet as they walked past Zara's bedroom to enter Nick's, closing the door behind them. Nick stripped Rafael's clothes off him then pushed him down to the bed, telling him in a husky voice, "I want you to make love to me. I need you inside me, now."

Rafael swallowed. Even after all this time together, he still found it a turn-on when Nick got bossy in the bedroom. He watched as his lover took off his own clothes, and then rummaged around in the top drawer of the dressing table to find the well-used tube of lube. He leaned up and gave Nick a scorching kiss as his lover joined him on the bed, and then molded their bodies together. They rolled around on the bed, fighting for dominance as they aimed at each other's hot spots with kisses and caresses. After a few minutes, Rafael uncapped the tube and coated a few fingers in the slippery contents before his hand headed down Nick's back to his ass. By this time, neither of them needed much prep as they were both well used to opening up for each other, so it was only a short time later when Nick pushed Rafael's hand away.

"Now Rafi, I can't wait any longer." Rafael lay on top of Nick, feeling his legs wrap around his waist, and Nick lined up his lover's cock so when Rafael pushed forward, he slid into Nick in one long glide. Nick groaned, before silencing himself, remembering his daughter was in the house. Rafael kept eye contact as he started thrusting, both men moving together in a dance they had perfected over the last few months.

Their movements got quicker as their arousal built, and Rafael leaned forward and took Nick's mouth in a deep kiss to try and keep quiet the sounds he wanted to make. One hand snaked between their bodies to fist Nick's cock, and it was only a minute later when both men came. Rafael slumped down on Nick briefly before he managed to get control of his limbs enough to withdraw and move to the other side of the bed. He took Nick's hand in his and kissed it, gazing into his eyes and letting him see all the love he felt. Nick smiled back. He felt the same way. They quickly cleaned up using the pack of wipes they had handy for that purpose, then Nick insisted they put on boxers just in case Zara did come in during the night. They snuggled up under the covers, their limbs tangled up with each other.

Both men were happy. They were in love and had gotten over the issues that had initially plagued their relationship, and now they were making their own family. It was just what both of them had dreamt of, but had never believed would happen. Patience and plenty of love on both their parts had got them to this point, and they were both optimistic for their future, together.


End file.
